- It’s fun to sing along to in the car/road trip with the BFFs
- They can blast it while they clean their house in sweatpants
- It’s great for working out
- It makes them dance.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
- The “Suck for a Buck” or candy necklace gimmick, as referenced in this post’s opening. Essentially it’s a way for White Chicks to finance their night of drinking by letting single men put their mouths all over the Bride to Be. (bonus points if said candies are penis-shaped).
- Dancing to 80’s music at Wet Willie’s (White Chicks already love, love, LOVE 80’s music. But when it is combined with an entire wall full of frozen drink possibilities…OMG, watch out!)
- Penis-shaped everything (comically over-sized glasses, charm necklaces, earrings, the penis straw, etc).
- The crappy fake veil-headband/tiara and “Bride to Be” sash and “Maid of Honor” and “Bridesmaid” buttons (or some other fashionable way to designate each white chick’s role in the upcoming wedding). Don’t forget the colorful feather boas or some item of accoutrement that glows in the dark and/or contains blinking lights.
- Color coordinated outfits (i.e. Bride to Be in white, the bridal party in black).
- The one control freak in the group who has the entire night/weekend’s activities planned, right down to the nano-second. Though she may never appear to outwardly enjoy herself at all during the BP weekend, she actually relishes in the control. Type-A white chicks LOVE this; they can’t get enough of it.
- Obsessive Type-A, super-planner White Chick may or may not have created commemorative t-shirts, coozies and mixed CDs that serve as the soundtrack for the entire bachelorette weekend for each White Chick in attendance.
- This may be the subject of a completely separate shower (another thing involving weddings that White Chicks are completely consumed with putting on: linen showers, stock the bar showers, lawn and garden showers, college team colors tailgate accessory showers, etc.) But there may or may not be a lingerie gift shower at the Bachelorette Party. And if so, it is a safe bet there will be at least one purchase for the Bride to Be that contains the words “crotchless” and “edible.”
- Someone in the group is going to vomit. Like, A LOT.
- If by some off chance that the Groom to Be’s Bachleor Party is the same weekend and same city (though any White Chick worth her mettle can testify that this is a terrible idea and a huge faux pas) there will be covert, secret-agent-like actions taking place to see “what the boys are up to.”
- That one girlfriend in the group who is coming off a recent break up and, once supremely over-served, breaks down in tears because she fears she’ll be alone forever.
- The one girlfriend in the group who is, like, WAY sluttier than everyone else and disappears throughout the night to hook up with that sketchy guy in the bathroom/dark corner booth/outside while “sharing” a cigarette.
- The one girlfriend in the group who is already married with kids and uses the Bachelorette party as a chance to cram as much partying and freedom into the weekend/night as possible. Of course she ends up getting MEGA-HAMMERED and is subsequently hung over the rest of the time.
- That one friend who either at dinner, or at some point throughout the night, spills something on her favorite dress…thanks to the irreversible stain, her night/weekend is ruined.
- Using the excuse “it’s ok, we’re on a Bachelorette Party” to justify dancing on the bar (especially if it’s the one typically shy girl in the group who normally would never do such a thing) or any other type of behavior that is normally not acceptable in public.
- Someone in the group will suffer an embarrassing drunken stumble and may or may not have a bruise and/or skinned knee/elbow/twisted ankle to show for it the next day.
- The one cute guy at the bar who thinks he has a real shot to hook up/sleep with the Bride to Be. Umm hello…does he not notice the nearly-a-dozen cute, drunk single girls in attendance? What. A. Creep.
- Late night dance party/wine drinking/eating a bunch of fattening foods/late night chick flick fest. This is when cute outfits yield to comfy clothes. There will be lots of yoga pants and headbands. And at least one sorority shirt with a quote from a Dave Matthews Band song on the back. (i.e. White Rose Semi-Formal ’03: “Turns out not where but who you’re with that really matters”).
- Cell phone/digital camera pictures of just about every single second of the entire Bachelorette Party weekend.
- Brunch the next day where recollections of the previous night and cell phone photos of white chicks behaving way outside of their usual white chick comfort zone will be shared and openly discussed. There will also be a miscellaneous bruise comparison and the coveted contest to prove who has the worst hangover.
- Best. Bachelorette. Party. EVER. (until the next one, at least)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
WWCC has mentioned before, many times in fact, about just how hard it can be to be a White Chick.
And this fact of life is perhaps no truer than today–Ash Wednesday–the beginning of Lent, when God-fearing White Chicks everywhere are giving up something they truly cherish.
As if it wasn’t already an arduous, uphill battle being a White Chick on a daily basis, now, out of an act of faith or latent Christian guilt, they have to go without something they truly cherish for, like, 40 whole days? Oh, the horror.
But White Chicks Cherish Giving Up Highly Cherished Items for Lent.
White Chicks also love discussing what they are giving up for Lent like it’s the hardest thing they’ve ever had to do…in fact I guarantee that you, yes you dear reader, know at least one White Chick who posted what she was giving up for Lent today as her Facebook status.
In the sprit of the season, WWCC came up with a working list of things White Chicks may find acceptable to give up for Lent. And I don’t mean to sound sarcastic or sacrilegious in the least when I say I am sure Jesus Christ is utterly bewildered and humbled by the courage, fortitude and conviction White Chicks display by depriving themselves of any of the following for 40 days:
- Facebook (Bonus points is you’re a white chick and your FB status is currently about giving up FB for lent OR if you announced this fact via Twitter).
- Diet Coke
- Girl Scout Cookies (in all seriousness, giving up Girl Scout cookies during the only time of the year they are available is a pretty big deal)
- Chocolate and/or candy
- Texting (I’m pretty sure giving up anything involving one’s cell phone in this day and age is virtually impossible)
- Going out to bars
- Sweet Tea
- The Internet (yeah, right)
- Beer/any other form of booze not previously mentioned (you do realize St. Patrick’s Day is, like, two weeks away?)
- Cussing (I won’t name names, but I know a few White Chicks who would fail miserably at trying to give this up)
- Red Meat
- Potato Chips
- Drunk Dialing/Texting their exes
- Sex (For real, white chicks? If you have to give up sex for lent, you may be a skank…just sayin’.)
- Men/Boys (Though saying “I’m through with men…” carries way less weight when done “for Lent” versus, say, “FOREVER”)
- “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” (or any other superbly horrible reality TV show guilty pleasure)
- Gossiping (this will only last until that “one” slut at work does something even remotely annoying one day. The only way for white chicks to live with the fact that they have a nemesis is to talk about them behind their backs constantly)
- Any other form of dessert not previously mentioned
- Shopping/Online Shopping (bonus points if you’re a white chick and find yourself aghast after reading this because There. Is. No. Way.)
- Ethnic Food
- Fried Food
- Pilates/Yoga/Spin Class (psssssh…like a white chick would ever give this up)
- TV in general (I’d rather chop off a pinky or a lesser-used toe)
- Bacon (Are you for serious? Don’t you know how effing awesome bacon is?)
- Tabloids (this includes all the TMZ/Extra type shows)
- Their favorite Starbucks drink (White chicks, do us all a favor here. If you are addicted to highly caffeinated beverages, for the sake of everyone who interacts with you on a daily basis, DO NOT deprive yourself of this addictive/mood altering substance)
- Any other action that involves a near-impossible act of self-control not previously mentioned
Thursday, March 3, 2011
As I’ve mentioned before with nearly every new addition to the WCOTW feature, I am hugely overwhelmed by all the support and praise WWCC has received since its inception. The blog has 246 followers, 500 or so fans on Facebook and about 280 followers on Twitter! Boo yah! So it’s awesome to think that something that began as more or less of a personal lark has become such a decent success.
The WCOTW process has also been awesome to take in. Sometimes I pick out White Chicks myself from the small group of them I am fortunate enough to know. But nearly every week I get emails from folks (guys and gals) recommending someone they know to be WCOTW. And sometimes White Chicks with a certain amount of panache and self-confidence nominate themselves. This week’s WCOTW is one such lady.
When this week’s WCOTW emailed me about appearing on the blog, she did everything right. And by that I mean she lauded WWCC with ego-boosting praise and professed her undying love for the blog.
“You have no idea how exciting this is in the world of White Chicks!” she said. “I am obsessed with your blog. You just nail us so perfectly. I have not come across a white chick yet that I haven't turned into a follower. From my mom and her friends to all my sorority sisters. Every time there is a post it truely brightens my day and gives me a little break to sit back and laugh!”
So without further ado, please meet the latest (and youngest to date) White Chick of the Week: Kristina Cherry
Age: I'm an old soul stuck in a 22-year-old body
College/Major: Georgia College & State University, Studio Art (I go to class and craft everyday, how white chick is that?)
Current City: Milledgeville, Georgia (Reference “Pretty Woman,” Julia Roberts' Character is from Milledgeville, so it must be good.)
Hometown: East Cobb (White Chick Mecca)
One Quick Interesting Fact About Kristina: I've been a hardcore White Chick since before I even knew what that meant. As young as 8 my family started calling me "Julie of the Love Boat" for my impeccable ability to plan and organize events for fellow 8 year olds. I haven't stopped yet...
Chick-fil-A Combo Meal: Currently a #6 with a Coke Zero
Non-threatening Singer-Songwriter: Clearly John Mayer, I saw him at On the Bricks when I was only 12 and it was love at first sight. Our relationship is still going strong.
Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans: I'm short so this is really difficult for me.. I have found that GAP jeans were just made for me. GAP may not be a part of the Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans category but their 1969 collection is pure perfection.
Boutique Cupcake Flavor: Anything that includes peanut butter and chocolate. Most places have some form of this but they are all referred to by different names, whatever it may be, I love it.
White Chick Flick: Well Nicholas Sparks is my man but honestly my favorite and arguably the original White Chick Flick is “Steel Magnolias.” My mom and I frequently find ourselves working in the script into our everyday lives. It’s a classic.
Favorite white chick adult beverage: Clearly a Mimosa. They are perfect for every occasion and always classy.
Favorite White Chick Lit: See above, Nicholas Sparks is my man. I mean seriously his wife hit the jackpot. A man that can write such romantic stories, he knows just how to pull on a woman's heartstrings.
Item of Accoutrement/Accessory: A Giant Handbag. You never know when an emergency situation might break out, thank got for a fashionable way to be prepared at all times.
It's been a long week at work, tell us about your ideal white chick weekend.
Well since I am still a student my weeks are shorter and my weekends are longer, it is truly glorious. I am not quite sure yet how I will make the adjustment into the "real world." But my weekend would start out by Grey's Anatomy with the roomies while preparing to go out on the town here in big ol' Milledgeville. Followed by an eventful evening/early early morning in the bar scene. Friday I would sleep in and eventually drag myself from the bed and up to the art studio. I would paint all day while jamming out to some White Chick tunes with fellow White Chick art majors (there are quite a few of us if you can believe that!) Then out for a little Mexican and repeat over again all weekend. At some point I would try to throw in some laundry and on Sunday always a few good White Chick Flicks. Sunday night would of course be consumed by Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters. Ahh... only four more days until the next weekend!
What are some the things you cherish most as a white chick?
There has honestly not been a post that isn't literally the truth of my life. But along with the Various Monogrammed Items I also cherish anything, I mean anything that has my Sorority Letters on it. It’s sick. It’s just as great as a monogram because those letters won't ever change. Should I at some point mature out of the Sorority letter stage? Yes. Probably. Will I? Most likely not. Also singing Journey at the top of my lungs. It was my senior song. How White Chick does that make East Cobb? Yea. White Chicks Rule. I just can't get enough of it. I lose all of my inhibitions and I just have to immediately find a microphone and pour my heart out. Don't Stop Believin.
If you could be the contestant on any reality show (think The Bachelor, Top Chef, Project Runway, The Amazing Race, etc.) which one would you choose and why?
I think I would really love to be on Project Runway it would truly be like one of my most insane dreams coming true but I hate the sewing machine so realistically it would be The Amazing Race. My mother and I could kick some serious butt in this competition and we would make great television. We are like two peas in a pod with all the comedic relief that is required of such a serious task. We are competitive as they come, you tell us we can't and you better believe we will times 10. And seriously who wouldn't want to watch two generations of White Chick travel across the globe and do insane challenges while eating totally gross things?
Your wildest dreams come true and you have a chance to be a guest on Oprah, Ellen or Live with Regis&Kelly but only ONE: What did you do to become famous and which show would you want to appear on?
This is really a hard one but at the end of the day I would have to go with Oprah. And I would want the whole hour devoted to me! Because I would be a famous wedding/event planner and I would be telling Oprah all the latest trends. I would also spill some gossip about the latest celebrity weddings I am working on. Oprah is just fun. When she gets excited about something it is truly hard for me to contain myself also. I know she would just be the best host! And I also really want to meet Gayle.
If you could trade places with any famous white chick who would it be and why?
It would definitely have to be Jennifer Aniston. She may not be lucky in love but she is rockin it at 41 years old. And she just has the world at her fingertips. Everyone loves her, I mean who wouldn't want to be her? Hardly anyone, just think about the amont of people that were sportin the "Rachel" in the 90's.
Nominate yourself or a fabulous white chick friend to be WCOTW by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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