Boutique Frozen Yogurt (aka. "Fro-Yo")

To say that White Chicks and dessert have a perplexing relationship would be the understatement of the century. (Though it's not nearly as strange or maddening as the relationship between Sammie and Ron on “The Jersey Shore,” seriously, would they just break up for good already? But I digress).

Dessert is kinda like that 'one' ex-boyfriend for White Chicks, there are times when she literally wants to spend every waking moment in its presence and other times when the mere mention of its name will make her throw up in her mouth a little bit. Why this weird on-again/off-again romance with WWCC’s humble author’s favorite food group?

Despite what you may believe, dearest WWCC reader, being a White Chick isn’t all jovial Sunday Brunches, Fashionable Rain Boot Shopping and Jack Johnson concerts. It’s hard out there for White Chicks...a constant struggle, actually. Along with the unending pressure to out-cute the ubiquitous and fabulous looking competition, there’s also, like, every form of media out there informing White Chicks what they SHOULD and SHOULD NOT LOOK LIKE on a 24/7/365 basis. And thus, it’s an immense challenge for a White Chick to maintain a natural, healthy relationship with the sweet, sweet empty calories of dessert AND her own body image. (WWCC simply MUST make this parenthetical side: “Hey, White Chick. Yes, you. In case no one has told you today, you are fantastic, amazing and beyond-beautiful just the way you are.”)

But there is one form of dessert that lets a White Chick indulge her sweet tooth while keeping the pangs of horrific dessert-guilt to a minimum. A delicious treat featuring various forms of edible-accoutrement which lets a White Chick create a frozen concoction unique to her and her alone. And that’s because White Chicks Cherish Frozen Yogurt (aka. “Fro Yo”).

Ask any White Chick and chances are she's been to a Boutique Fro-Yo joint recently...at least within the past 30-45 days. And there's a strong chance that said Boutique Fro-Yo joint’s name includes some sort of yogurt-pun (ie. Yo-Reeka, or Yo-Foria). If a White Chick’s frequently visited Fro-Yo Boutique’s name does not contain a yogurt-related pun, then by law it is required to contain the word “Berry.”

The White Chick Fro-Yo of today isn’t all that different from the TCBY yogurt fad that took the nation by storm in the mid-90s. (TCBY now is like K-Mart to me, I haven’t seen one open for business in at least a decade). Essentially it’s similar to the yogurt available the yogurt aisle in the grocery store, only it's frozen (duh!). And while TCBY only featured chocolate, vanilla, swirl and the chemically-great tastes of Boysenberry, White Chick Fro-Yo Boutiques feature a bounty of magical “base” flavors including: Pomegranate (a fruit currently riding a wave of unprecedented fame in the White Chick diet world). Blueberry. Coconut. Blood Orange. Honeydew. And Green Tea (it’s a safe bet a White Chick will try anything Green Tea flavored–be it gum, breath mints or even Green Tea–at least once).

But what makes Boutique Frozen Yogurt a deeply loved form of dessert for White Chicks is the wide assortment of Fro-Yo Accoutrement available. The base-flavors are merely a low-calorie, creamy blank canvas of delicious possibilities for White Chicks. Fro-Yo Boutiques feature a veritable buffet salad bar of various toppings where White Chicks can cater their yogurt’s taste to their feelings at any given moment. Fro-Yo Accoutrement may include, but is not limited to any combo of the following:

Fresh Pineapple

Chocolate Chips

Granola

Crushed Oreos

Walnuts

Raspberries

White Chocolate Chips

Yogurt Covered Raisins

Fruity Pebbles

M&Ms

Blueberries

Blackberries

Gummy Bears

Gummy Warms

Marshmallows

Peaches

Cantaloupe

Sour Patch Kids

Cap’n Crunch

Reese’s Cups

Pretzel Bits

Shaved Coconut

Dark Chocolate Chips

Bananas

Almonds

Graham Crackers

Strawberries

Pecans

Brownie Chunks

Grapes

Kiwi

Snickers Chunks

Colored Sprinkles

Chocolate Sprinkles

Chocolate Syrup

Whipped Cream

Fro-Yo is literally perfection for White Chicks because it can cure any craving for dessert that they may have. White Chicks can keep things low-cal and fresh with an assortment of fresh fruits and grains. Or they can dive into the sinful dessert debauchery that is every form or chocolate imaginable in one priced-to-weight cup.

But Boutique Fro-Yo isn’t “really” dessert for White Chicks much in the same way that Chic-fil-A isn’t “really” fast food. Because at the end of the day, as one loyal WWCC reader explained it to me, “it’s still yogurt, you know, so you don’t feel as fat.”

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