Girl Talk

For those of you who may not know, I spent about seven years of my life as a freelance writer covering music for a few regional papers and publications. Along with being woefully underpaid, the job afforded me the luxury or free tickets and near-limitless “plus-ones,” and the chance to interview some of my personal heroes in music. And I am have no qualms in saying that period of “professional journalism” in my 20s combined with an adolescence of locking myself in my bedroom devouring albums until I knew every nuance of every song and being best friends with like-minded music fiends throughout my life have turned me into a music snob.

Not that I wasn’t a music snob before my stint in woefully underpaid freelance writing, but I am certain that time of my life as a paid professional ALLOWS me to be a music snob.

But music snob single-idiot males and “music snob” White Chicks hardly share the same definition of music snobbery.

Now, I personally know several White Chicks whom I consider to be music enthusiasts­–dare I say “music snobs.” Yes, they own iPods chock full of bands that are far off the pop culture radar AND spend much of their yearly paid time off and disposable income on attending concerts by such bands. But they aren’t really “music snobs” in the grand scheme of things.

I think it’s impossible for White Chicks to be TRUE music snobs.

Sure, White Chick, you may have been to X number of concerts by jam bands like Phish, the Dave Matthews Band or Widespread Panic, but don’t you also own Madonna’s Greatest Hits?  Yes, I know you were deeply offended when a band you discovered (i.e. the Avett Brothers or Mumford and Sons) all of a sudden hit it big and now, like, every one likes them, but don’t you still spin The Backstreet Boys on occasion? (Author’s side note, I am still not entirely convinced that Mumford and Sons and the Avett Brothers are not the same band).

Yeah, White Chick, I know you listen to at least one indie band with the name of an animal in its title (i.e. Fox, Bear or Deer), but don’t you watch “Glee” and “American Idol” religiously? And I know you felt super cool for knowing who on Earth The Arcade Fire were BEFORE this year’s Grammy Awards, but didn’t you buy Britney Spear’s new album the day it came out?

Now, I am sure I seem like a grumpy-old curmudgeon by disparaging popular music, and that’s fine. I’ll freely admit to thinking that roughly 97% of today’s “pop” music is inane, formulaic drivel. And I certainly don’t intend to rain on anyone’s parade with my musical opinions. I like what I like and vehemently dislike what I dislike. It’s who I am and it’s way too late in life to change that. (Sorry. Not sorry…as the White Chicks like to say).

But despite a White Chick’s self-professed level of music knowledge or music snobbery, it’s an inevitable fact that White Chicks will dig nearly any type of music made by nearly any type of “artist” simply because:

• It’s fun to sing along to in the car/road trip with the BFFs
• They can blast it while they clean their house in sweatpants
• It’s great for working out
• It makes them dance.

And I’m convinced these are reasons why White Chicks Cherish Girl Talk.

For those unfamiliar, Girl Talk is the stage name of one Greg Gillis, whose mash-up electronic dance songs have given him a meteoric rise to fame and popularity. I’ll give the guy credit; his ability to merge seemingly disparate songs into one cohesive electronic dance song is clever. But that doesn’t mean I think it’s good.

(I tried to listen to some Girl Talk songs while diligently researching this post for the blog, and I found myself abandoning each one in disgust after a couple of minutes. I literally cannot stand that shit. And I know I sound like my old man when I say it gives me a headache, but it does. I like bands and musicians who PLAY INSTRUMENTS AND WRITE THEIR OWN SONGS. And I just fail to see the brilliance in some white dude pushing buttons on his Mac Book and creating “music” that has already been made by OTHER PEOPLE.)

But despite my obvious distaste for and disinterest in Girl Talk, White Chicks LOVE this guy. At least once a week I see a Facebook status update which references Girl Talk in some way: be it an excited post about going to see Girl Talk or posting a photo from the concert the next day (which always features a packed house, so maybe I am alone in my Girl Talk opinions?). It also makes me wonder just how many damn concerts a year this “musician” puts on.

I turned 34 this year and, as they say, with age comes wisdom. Now, I’ll never claim to be a wise man, but I’m also not nearly as dumb as I look or act. But there is one fact of life that I know to be inherently true:

If you can make White Chicks dance, you are home free.

And, the only single, idiot males who go to Girl Talk shows are only doing so in the hopes of hooking up with a White Chick in attendance. Or they're gay...not that there's anything wrong with that.

Keep up with WWCC on Facebook and Twitter.

And if you've gotten this far, why not click an add and help generate some passive income for WWCC’s humble author? Please?