the Superfluous Addition of Lyrical Touches to Popular Songs (aka Salting)

Along with discovering the majesty of white chicks cherishing ridiculously expensive jeans, I learned a lot about the behavior of white chicks through my four-and-a-half year stint with then-girlfriend.

One day while driving together, Jimmy Buffet’s triumphant ode to getting wasted on the beach, “Margaritaville,” came on the stereo. Just after Mr. Buffet sang the line “searchin’ for my lost shaker of salt,” then-girlfriend pumped her first in the air while echoing the words “Salt! Salt!” And although she was doing it for comedic affect, a light popped off deep in the pudding-like expanses of my brain: White Chicks Cherish the Superfluous Addition of Lyrical Touches to Popular Songs (aka Salting).

Now, I haven’t seen Jimmy Buffet since my junior year of high school. And though I am sure Mr. Buffet is contractually obligated to perform “Margaritaville” at his concerts, I cannot confirm or deny that white chicks in attendance that night joined in on superfluous addition of “Salt! Salt!” I killed many brain cells that night and certainly have destroyed thousands more in the 15 years since, but I think it’s a safe bet that white chick Parrotheads that night did indeed “Salt” the obligatory performance of “Margaritaville”

There are few more examples of white chicks cherishing the Superfluous Addition of Lyrical Touches to Popular Songs (aka Salting).

“You Never Even Call Me By My Name” by David Allen Coe

Unequivocally, this song by the vaguely racist country singer is the dictionary definition of white chicks “Salting” a popular song. Every girl that has been in a sorority in a major university anywhere in the South for the last 30 years has “Salted” to this frat house sing-along standard. With flimsy plastic cups of domestic keg beer in hand, white chicks will look at one another with excited eyes when the song plays, nonverbally communicating “OMG girls, this is the part where we cherish the Superfluous Addition of Lyrical Touches to Popular Songs!” Because right after Mr. Coe sings the line “and I’ll stay around as long as you will let me,” white chicks have an innate, insatiable and unyielding desire to echo the line “Let Me! Let Me!” at the top of their lungs.

And though it doesn't happen all the time, many will go on to later make regrettable romantic decisions inside a frat house that very same evening.

“Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond

This is a fabulous song and another prime example of “Salting.” After Mr. Diamond sings the line “good times never seem so good” it is only humanly natural and expected of white chicks to echo/Salt the words “So good! So good!” (Author’s note: Boston Red Sox fans are inclined to “Salt” this song as well.).

“Salting” can also take the form of adding superfluous “wooo’s” to songs.

Often, “Salted Woo’s” can occur during the playing of fight songs white chicks may encounter while overdressing for college football games. The University of Tennessee Volunteers are known for the ad nasueum playing of the fight song “Rocky Top” any time their football has a modicum of gridiron success on game days. Along with their super cool checkerboard end zones (I think, at least), it’s pretty impressive to hear nearly 100,000 people singing in unison “Rocky Top you’ll always be, home sweet home to me. Good ole Rocky Top….” Then the crowd regrettably inserts a “Salted Woo” before finishing the song with "Rocky Top, Tennessee.”

Even my own cherished Clemson University is familiar with the cursed “Salted Woo.” Any time Clemson achieves a modicum of gridiron success (which I wish happened more often) our fight song, “Tiger Rag,” plays. And sure enough, there’s an annoying and unneeded “Salted Woo” that appears just before the orange-bedecked throngs join in loudly spelling the name of our beloved alum.

A few summers ago, I saw the Dave Matthews Band perform on Atlanta’s Piedmont Park (I told you, dear reader, there are certain non-threatening singer-songwriters I happen to be fond of). It was a great show and the first time I’d seen the band since high school (see second paragraph reference about destroyed brain cells).

Late in the show, the band played one of my favorite DMB songs, “Warehouse.” The song begins with a lone acoustic rhythm guitar intro and a dramatic pause before picking back up—with the band joining in member by member until the song is in full swing. Of course as the band began joining in member by member after the dramatic pause, a “Salted Woo” began to fill the air, forevering changing that momentary inclusion of silence during “Warehouse.”

And although I had no actual proof to confirm or deny it, just as in every example I mentioned in this WWCC post, I was absolutely sure that a white chick was responsible for the Superfluous Addition of a Lyrical Touch.

I'd be remiss to not at least recognize that single, idiot dudes are just as guilty of "Salting," but I hands-down guarantee they're only doing it to capture the attention of a splendid white chick somewhere in the general vicinity.

White Chicks, please share some of your favorite "Salt" songs on Twitter or Facebook. Also, my limited intelligence prohibits me from knowing its proper use, but WWCC is also on Tumblr.