Thursday, April 14, 2011

Pretending to be Princesses

Dearest reader,

At some point I realize my apologies for the lack of recent posts may fall on deaf ears. Contrary to popular belief, I was raised right by two loving parents and not a pack of ill-mannered wolves. I should know better than keep a lady waiting, but I am quite lazy sometimes. And it pains me to think that I have caused undeserved frustration to a species of creature I find so entirely fascinating. As if White Chicks didn't have it rough enough already.

In case you need yet another reason to fully grasp just exactly why being a White Chick may be one of those most difficult things on the planet to do, consider this fact:  White Chicks are born into this world as "Daddy's Little Princess." They grow up singing along with Disney-conjured, animated princesses and schlep around the house in their mother's high heels and most sparkly jewelry. They may even receive officially licensed Disney-conjured princess gear for holidays and birthdays. And of course they will have a tiara, one all their own, that will make them feel immensely special and beautiful.

It's because White Chicks Cherish Pretending to Be Princesses.

But then, White Chicks have to grow up and enter the cruel, unforgiving world. From day one of public school a quarter-lifelong struggle begins, against bff and foe alike, to earn the lofty title of princess of the class, the grade, the high school, the sorority and the job. White Chickdom is a non-stop hustle, one that I can barely fathom, let alone write blogs about.

As they grow up and enter middle- and high-school, they realize that playing pretend is an activity best reserved for drama club weirdos or those freaks that play Magic the Gathering. A White Chick's chances to Pretend to be a Princess grow fewer and farther between–save for the occasional school sponsored beauty pageant, homecoming event or of course the end-all, be-all of big days for high school White Chicks...The Prom.

If they choose to rush a sorority in college (they most likely choose to, trust me) they'll get a few more opportunities to play princess dress up. But sorority and fraternity semi-formals are really just a destination high school prom with binge drinking and a souvenir t-shirts featuring a Dave Matthews Band lyric on the back.

And Pretending to be a Princess is very likely a reason why White Chicks make such a gigantic, obsessive-compulsive fuss over weddings. Don't get me wrong, I think marriage is a HUGE deal and a lifelong union of two souls, BUT there's also a lot of single White Chicks out there with an unhealthy collection of bridal mags...just sayin. And they're just plotting and planning their perfect wedding in their minds at all time. Now, if the preceding text sounds a little too cynical and bitter, I will add that there is truly nothing more beautiful than a White Chick bride on her wedding day.

After all, it's their official day to be a an front of the eyes of God, her family and virtually everyone she has ever known. Plus, depending on a White Chick's preference for bridal opulence, she may even get to wear a sparkly tiara. Because on this day, she is truly a princess.

You can also bet your ass that Pretending to be a Princess is the exact reason that many White Chicks reading this very post will not only DVR and watch repeatedly, but also purchase at least three commemorative magazines about the upcoming Royal Wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton.

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1 comment:

  1. OHMYGOSH, I was JUST thinking about this today. I get sooooo tired of the whole "...he makes me feel like a princess" or "...I want to feel like a princess." Annoys me beyond words.