Friday, December 24, 2010

White Chick of the Week: Bailey Schiffel

With Christmas nearly upon us, it only seems fitting that WWCC's newest White Chick of the Week be something of a Christmas Baby. And while it's always an esteemed pleasure to introduce fabulous White Chicks to the WWCC readership, this week's entry means just a bit more given the context and timing of her entry.

Not only does she get to celebrate Christmas this week, she also gets to celebrate a recent birthday AND the amazing honor of joining some especially wonderful gals as WCOTW...truly a great time for her to be alive! So by all means, wish a Merry Christmas, a Happy Birthday and a joyous reign as White Chick of the Week to Bailey Schiffel.

BIO

Name: Bailey Schiffel

Age: 26 as of Dec. 21st

College/Major: I graduated from The University of Georgia with a degree in Studio Art…GO DAWGS!!! (Side note: I went to UGA with 18 hours of credit, and should’ve by all means graduated early. My freshman year I saw a t-shirt that said “Athens Georgia, the best 5 or 6 years of your life” which I found hilariously ridiculous since I planned to be done in 3.5 years. That being said, I graduated from UGA in 5 years, and now own said t-shirt…)

Current City: Wilmington, NC

Occupation: I am in property management and own my own jewelry design business. www.BaileyKatherine.com

Hometown: Wilmington, NC. Yes that makes me a townie…

One quick interesting fact about Bailey: One of my favorite things to do is to ambush pictures. I will go to almost any length to get into someone else’s perfectly posed picture, including, but not limited to crawling on the ground.

THE THINGS BAILEY CHERISHES

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal: #1 with Lemonade, although I’ve recently been testing out the chicken nugget combo with Lemonade. I’ve convinced myself that it’s somehow healthier for me than the chicken sandwich. It totally makes sense. I just followed the same train of thought that we all used to decide that Chick-fil-A isn’t really a fast food establishment. And let me just add, that I won a free lunch from Chick-fil-A a few weeks ago for being the 400th person to go through the drive through that day. It was one of the happiest moments of my life thus far.

Non-threatening Singer-Songwriter: Having grown up at the beach, I’m partial to singer/songwriter/surfer Jack Johnson.

Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans: I’m really into James Jeans right now. They’re surprisingly affordable as far as Expensive Blue Jeans go, and they’re super comfy!

Boutique Cupcake Flavor: This is a really hard question because I like anything with sugar, but if push came to shove, I’d go with the classic white cupcake with chocolate icing. (Side note: Our local cupcake boutique does a flavor of the day, and this past spring they had a bacon flavored cupcake. It sounded so disgusting and wrong that I was tempted to try it, but I chickened out. But seriously, who doesn’t love bacon?)

White Chick Flick: When Harry Met Sally. Harry’s speech at the end totally makes the movie, and I secretly dream that one day I will inspire someone to profess their love for me in the same way that Sally did. I just hope it doesn’t take as long as it took them to get there…yikes!

Favorite white chick adult beverage: Pinot Grigio or Firefly and water. Drinking Firefly can be a very dangerous game because it tastes exactly like sweet tea, but if you add water you are simultaneously re-hydrating so you don’t feel as awful the next day… Strategery.

Favorite White Chick Lit: Water For Elephants. This might be the best book ever written, and its status as White Chick Lit was totally validated when Robert Pattinson was cast to play the main character in the movie version. Everybody knows that white chicks love Robert Pattinson…

Item of Accoutrement/accessory: I don’t go anywhere without my oversized purse. I like to carry everything that I own with me at all times. That way I’m prepared for almost anything.

WCOTW Q&A

It's been a long week at work, tell us about your ideal white chick weekend. My ideal white chick weekend includes a few things. It would certainly include shopping for ridiculously expensive blue jeans and shoes with girlfriends in a great place like NYC or Charleston. (Interesting fact: I solidified one of the best friendships of my life while shoe shopping in Italy while studying abroad in the Summer of ’07.) Brunch is a must…obvi. After shopping, we would go to the spa for massages, manicures, and pedicures. For dinner we would go to a nice tapas or fondue restaurant. I dare you to find me a white chick who doesn’t like tapas or fondue. We would then go out and have classy white chick drinks together. And we would end each night with an impromptu late night dance party.


What are some the things you cherish most as a white chick? Farmer’s markets, Anthropologie, Target, Oversized Sunglasses ( I have a signature pair, that I just keep re-ordering whenever I wear them out), Skinny Jeans, Taylor Swift, Impromptu late night dance parties, Tailgating, My finger nail polish collection… I could go on, but I won’t.

If you could be the contestant on any reality show (think The Bachelor, Top Chef, Project Runway, The Amazing Race, etc.) which one would you choose and why? I wouldn’t want to be on a reality show that’s a competition. My dad beat the competitive spirit out of me as a child by never letting me win anything…not even Monopoly. He would do almost anything to beat me, including making up rules before I was able to read. He once put 8 hotels on one property, and bankrupted me within 10 minutes. And the one time that I was actually winning despite the “rules”, he “accidentally” flipped the board over so that we couldn’t keep playing. That’s a whole other story though. That being said, I would really love to have been on Rob & Big. I think that Rob, Big Black Boykin and I would’ve been three best friends. I would’ve been ok with Drama hanging out with us too.

Your wildest dreams come true and you have a chance to be a guest on Oprah, Ellen or Live with Regis&Kelly but only ONE: What did you do to become famous and which show would you want to appear on? I would go on Ellen to discuss my NY Times Bestselling book It’s Not Me; It’s You. A collection of short stories about failed relationships and dating mis-haps. (It’s a work in progress). After the show, we would have an impromptu dance party.

Tell us a something about you that is very un-white chick. I grew up in Compton. That’s probably the most un-white chick place to grow up in America. Well, actually I grew up in a neighborhood called Compton Crossing, but I consider that to be a minor detail that makes my upbringing a whole lot less interesting. Also, I own a torch, and have a studio full of power tools, an assortment of hammers and mallets, pliers, and various other extremely un-white chick equipment.


Nominate yourself or a fabulous white chick friend to be WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter!

And...don't be shy, click on some of the annoying ads already!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties

If nothing else, the Christmas Season for White Chicks is all about celebrating tradition.

There's the chance to revel in the splendor of spending quality time (but not too much) with one's family. The opportunity for unheard of sales and deals beginning on Black Friday and running well into the New Year. There's the chance to bust out the N'Sync Christmas album (most white chicks LOVE this album, though I tend to prefer the "Charlie Brown Christmas Album").

There's the office Christmas party, where that one person in accounting or that creep in IT will get way too over-served and make a complete ass of themselves around co-workers and/or make improper sexual advances towards another co-worker.

There's the annual viewings of pure Christmas Classics like the old-school animated "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (big ups to Yukon Cornelius!) and other gems like "Home Alone," the perfect "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" and TBS's best programming decision EVER in showing "A Christmas Story" (undoubtedly one of my favorite movies of all time) for an entire 24 hour period starting on Christmas Eve.

But all of these Holiday traditions pale in comparison to the true favorite White Chick Christmas Tradition. The one tradition that sends White Chicks in droves to thrift stores all over their respective cities, or has them rifling through their grandmother's closet over Thanksgiving break, to find that one piece of Holiday accoutrement that will be the true envy of every other white chick at the themed-party they'll attend during the Holiday season. And that's because White Chicks Cherish Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties.

Watch out, Halloween, because Christmas is gaining ground on you in terms of a treasured national White Chick Holiday that provides a free-pass to dress tacky. And although Halloween is really all about White Chicks dressing like total sluts, Christmas is proving to be not entirely all about Peace on Earth and Goodwill Toward Men...just ask any White Chick in a "Slutty Mrs. Clause" get up that's heading out with a huge group of friends for a "Santa Pub Crawl."

But it's really all about the Ugly Christmas Sweater for White Chicks. The average white chick will attend at least 1 (one) such party per Holiday season, and though there is no certifiable proof of this claim, I think it's a safe bet that a White Chick came up with idea to throw the first Ugly Christmas Sweater party ever.

There are a few guidelines for White Chicks in picking out the perfect Ugly Christmas Sweater:
  • Simply put, the right Ugly Christmas Sweater MUST be something fantastically hideous that, on any other day of the year, it would be something a self-respecting White Chick would never, EVER wear out in public.
  • The "perf" sweater is different for every White Chick. It could be a turtleneck or a cardigan. But once they find it they just simply "know," much in the same way people "know" they've found the right pet in an animal shelter. It simply just pleads to them "pick me, I promise I am perfect for you."
  • Bonus points are awarded if the sweater contains some sort of emroidered accent (ie. Santa's beard, Rudolph's red nose, any sort of Christmas present bow).
  • Bonus points are also awarded if the Ugly Christmas Sweater has some sort of weird smell. Though a White Chick will surely launder said sweater before the party, the funk will nonetheless provide a funny talking point as White Chicks converse about their own unique trials and tribulations of finding their respective sweaters at the party. (Author's note: This conversation will surely occur).
  • The tackiness doesn't have to stop at just the sweater. Additional bonus points are awarded for Christmas-themed tights/leggings, ridiculous shoes, any sort of pin or hideous Christmas broche, any type of blinking light earrings/necklace and of course the Santa hat.
Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties will also typically involve a white elephant/yankee swap/or Secret-Santa gift exchange. These parties may mark the first and last time ever a White Chick samples egg nog. There may be some sort of punch that involves multiple bottles of champagne. There's the likelihood of bringing their personal favorite recipe of Christmas cookies (White Chick bonus points if they also take part in a Christmas cookie swap with a group of friends) and/or some type of Crock-Pot recipe they absolutely cherish around the Holidays.

It truly is the most wonderful time of the year...to be a White Chick.

Happy Holidays from What White Chicks Cherish!

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter! And please, by all means, don't be too shy to click on any of the ads you may see on WWCC (which should be below the post and below the blog archives)!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Spending, Like, Over $100 at Target on Their Lunch Hour.

During my awkward middle school days, there was no greater insult than to be told you dressed like your clothes came from Wal-Mart or K-Mart. As a middle-class tween, I lived under the constant fear of being admonished for dressing in the fashions of either of those big-box retailers.

Don't get me wrong, I've matured slightly since those days and recognize the fact that Wal-Mart offers amazing values to good, honest, hard-working people. Plus, there's simply no better place to buy wardrobe celebrating one's favorite NASCAR driver or pro wrestler AND then get an oil change. And though there is a small part of me that avoids Wal-Mart because of the corporation's inhumane treatment of it's employees, the real reason is the train wreck of humanity that makes up a large majority of its patrons truly gives me the heebie jeebies.

And I can't really comment on K-Mart, as I haven't entered one, nor have I seen one still open for business in more than a decade.

But Target, on the other hand, is simply wonderful. This bastion of big-box retail bliss makes the patriotic act of purchasing consumer goods and useful products one of life's most fantastic simple pleasures. Along with affordable goods for you and your home, Target's products feature brilliant design, the chain has great advertising and its line of male and female fashions are generally current and, dare I say, cool.

And to top off Target's undeniable splendor, there's that certain, untouchable something pumping through the atmosphere at that glorious store. Something that makes you lose all concept of time, current needs and budget. Something that makes White Chicks Cherish Spending, Like, Over $100 at Target on Their Lunch Hour.

If you're not familiar with the phenomenon of White Chicks Spending, Like, Over $100 at Target on Their Lunch Hour, please peruse this hypothetical bullet point presentation:

  • It's been a busy day in her PR office, but there a few items White Chick (WC) just simply needs from Target in order to continue life. JUST a few.
  • Upon entering Target, WC catches the yummy waft of a Pumpkin Spice Latte form the Target Starbucks (Targets containing a Starbucks inside may vary upon your location) and simply MUST have one. Before she even fully enters the store, WC is out an unintended $5.
  • WC picks up a basket and heads to the wondrous toiletries area to get what she came for: face wash, a tooth brush and some Burt's Bees lip balm. She then notices the little package of Burt's Bees goodness that contains lip gloss and hand cream in addition to lip balm. Boo yah–WC falls victim to the pre-packaged up-sell.
  • WC then decides "I'm here, I may as well restock my entire arsenal of toiletries." She then grabs toothpaste, floss, whitening strips, body wash, deodorant, some "lady" products a bottle of Advil/Mydol, shaving gel and one of those new-fangled lady razors.
  • WC then comes to realization she can't remember how much laundry detergent she has at home. Or fabric softener. Oh, and a new one of those soap-sponge dish-thingies and, of course, dish washing soap.
  • WC then returns to the store entrance and dumps her overflowing basket of goods into a buggy that will accomodate her future purchases.
  • Although WC did not intend for this to become a grocery purchasing trip, she picks up a twelve pack of Diet Coke, a box of that yummy hot chocolate and/or tea and a a box of Kashi Go Lean Crunch (Kashi cereal is to White Chicks as Wheaties is to Oympic athletes).
  • She checks her smart phone for the time and takes a few minutes to return a couple of texts, check her work email and Facebook account. She notices birthday alerts for a few friends.
  • WC then makes a stop to the card section for a couple of birthday cards and a card for her BFF that is just having one of those days/weeks/months. (White chicks LOVE greeting cards for "just because" reasons). The card section is very close to the decorative candle section and she does just LOVE that holiday scented candle.
  • Though she's running a bit late, WC is dangerously close to the female clothing section and decides, "it doesn't hurt to just look." She finds a a pair of boots that she just cannot live without, a cute top and a new pair of fuzzy socks for those lazy Sundays after brunch.
  • With two-and-a-half minutes remaining on her lunch hour, WC makes her way to the check-out area. While waiting, she picks up a copy of People, a bottle of water, a pack of that teeth whitening gum, a tiny bottle of Purel and a pack of ponty tail bands to keep in her giant handbag.
  • Despite a shopping cart full of products, WC is in incredulous disbelief when she is presented with the total retail cost of her lunch hour Target trip to pick up just a few things. Totally shocked. Aghast.
  • She'll return to the office to finish her work day without having had lunch, but will get by until she meets the girls for after work Mexican night on the bag of Peanut Butter M&Ms she also decided to pick up.
  • AND since she's gotten this far she may as well sign up for the Target credit card and get 10% off today's purchase.

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter! And please, by all means, don't be too shy to click on any of the ads you may see on WWCC (which should be below the post and below the blog archives)!

Monday, December 13, 2010

White Chick of the Week: Eliza Gager

Earlier this year, I graduated from an advertising portfolio school in Atlanta called The Creative Circus. It's a two-year school for folks that want to find a career in the advertising industry and offers programs in Copywriting, Graphic Design, Art Direction, Interactive Web Development and Photography. (The school functions on eight 10-week quarters, so every 10 weeks there is a class of newbies and a quarter of graduates making their way into the professional world).

Essentially, it's grad school for weirdos.

It was always interesting to see the looks on old friend's faces while catching up with them and answering the proverbial "so what are you up these days" question with the words "grad school" and "Circus" in the same sentence. I can assure you, it's a legitmate, accredited institution and the basic goal is to develop a portfolio of fake ad campaigns and then the school helps you shop your portfolio or "book" around to find gainful employment.

It's a pretty fast-paced and work-intensive, albeit fun as hell, program and only Creative Circus grads truly know the amounts of stressful absurdity two years of advertising school entails. But it was a really cool experience, and pretty amazing to be surrounded by so many different, talented and weird people for a couple of years.

And it was through The Creative Circus that I was blessed enough to meet this week's White Chick of the Week. We first worked together on one of her package design projects (see picture) and quickly established a fun, snarky rapport.

When it came time for me to graduate in March of this year, she was a HUGE help in helping me get my stuff together. (Along with your "book," Creative Circus grads are required to have an "identity package" of business cards/'thank you' notes/etc and a website to display your work). So, along with putting the finishing touches on two year's worth of work for your "book," getting the "identity" stuff together AND worrying about finding a job when it's all over, the last quarter of the Creative Circus is quite frantic and stressful as hell.

And it was during this time that the WCOTW and I came up with nicknames for one another. Due to her ability to churn out quality work and her impeccable skills in the Adobe Creative Suite I dubbed her "Production Monkey." And due to my constant need for tweaks and unreasonable demands she dubbed me "Princess."

She is graduating THIS WEEK from The Creative Circus and it is a huge honor to introduce WWCC's newest White Chick of the Week. Along with being a soon-to-be graduate from the Creative Circus's Graphic Design program, she's also WWCC's first WCOTW from the Northeast. So please offer a warm welcome and a HUGE CONRATULATIONS to Eliza Gager. (You can get a sample of her wit on her blog and check out her work on her website, which is still a work in progress, so be patient. AND she's been a WWCC supporter since day one and designed the blog's awesome logo!

BIO

Name: Eliza Gager, but my friends call me Bonecrusher for some reason. (author's note: aka "Production Monkey" by only one person).

Age: 26 3/4 and I ain't ashamed of it

College/Major: Fordham University / Photography (the second least useful degree ever)

Current City: The ATL

Occupation: Professional student. And babysitter.

Hometown: New England. It’s basically all just one state.

One Quick Interesting Fact About Eliza: My family came to this great country via The Mayflower, making me a 14th generation (American) white chick.

THE THINGS ELIZA CHERISHES MOST:

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal: Chicken salad sandwich and waffle fries with a Diet Dr. Pepper and a side of Heinz 57 ketchup. No substitutions will be accepted.
Non-threatening Singer-Songwriter: I’m going to go old school on this one and say James Taylor (a salty New Englander if there ever was one). His mellow tunes are the soundtrack of my life.
Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans: Even though I wear jeans every day of the week, I refuse to spend actual money on them. Right now, I'm rocking American Eagle brand... $39. Unfortunately, even if I had a rockin’ job, I probably wouldn’t spend big bucks on denim. Shoes are a different story.
Boutique Cupcake Flavor: From the bakery: red velvet. However, I do make a mean Irish Car Bomb cupcake. There are three types of booze in it. Because, to a white chick, there is no better thing than cake AND booze in one delightful little package.
White Chick Flick: Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Audrey Hepburn is the ultimate white chick and the costumes are to die for. Also, it’s one of the finest entries into the “hooker with a heart of gold” movie genre. (Sidenote: the male lead, George Peppard, was also the star of my favorite childhood show, The A-Team).
Favorite White Chick Adult Beverage: My adult beverage go-to is usually a Sam Adams. However, if pressed, I do enjoy a good gin & tonic.
Favorite White Chick Lit: Unfortunately, I stopped reading “chick lit” when I was 17. I’m currently halfheartedly reading Moby Dick. Does that make me sound smarter than I really am?
Item of Accoutrement/Accessory:I’m never far from my iphone (with pink case, natch).

WCOTW Q&A

When did you first realize you were a white chick? I first realized I was the whitest chick around somewhere between enrolling in all-girls boarding school and wearing Lilly Pulitzer to the senior prom. Once I had accomplished these two tasks, there was no denying my whiteness.

It's been a long week at work, tell us about your ideal white chick weekend. Since I'm a student, the term "weekend" doesn't really apply to my schedule right now. However, in my imaginary world, an awesome weekend would include these highlights: sleeping in (until at least 8am. Rebellious, I know.), a fun outdoorsy activity (hiking, biking, skiing when the weather allows, etc..), an awesome meal (probably involving a burger and a beer) and then a movie accompanied by homemade popcorn.

What are some the things you cherish most as a white chick? There are almost too many to mention. I guess my top 5 favorite things about being a white chick are:

Large handbags - Where else can I store a first aid kit, mini flashlight, my laptop, iphone, ipod, combo lock to my gym locker, the latest netflix, sharpies, gum, 2 thumb drives, photo strips from the bar, my wallet, business card case, sunglass case, notebook and car keys?

Monograms - My house is a “Where’s Waldo” for the letter E. My friends are staging an intervention next week.

Flip flops - All of mine come from the white chick mecca known as JCrew. They either have an adorable embroidered critter or grosgrain ribbon on them.

Brunch - Bonus points awarded if it’s a country club brunch/bridal shower.

Golf - I was a 4-year varsity letter winner in high school. It doesn’t get much whiter than that.


Your turn to turn the tides: briefly discuss something that white guys are particularly fond that you find comical? Guys that insist on wearing a sweater around their shoulders or their waist. It’s just wrong. I’d be more than willing to sacrifice some space in my large handbag in order to prevent this atrocity.

Tell us a something about you that is very un-white chick. Oh man. Can I mention more than one? My four most un-white chick qualities are: 1) I recently spent some time at the gun range. And I liked it. A lot. 2) I’ve attended both football and baseball summer camps. I was the only girl at football camp and one of two at baseball camp. (Thanks Dad.) 3) I have a love of all things squeamish and slightly disgusting. Recently, I had one of my wisdom teeth pulled. Immediately, afterwards, I asked the nurse if I could see it. There may be a picture of it on the internet. (The show “The Walking Dead” currently satisfies my love of the gory. I love me some zombies) 4) While I do enjoy a good singer-songwriter, my heart truly lies closer to the classic rock/alternative end of the musical spectrum. I can most often be found pounding out some sweet drum solos on my steering wheel while driving around town.

Are you a Twilight fan despite being a full grown adult? Why? Dear God. No. I am in no position to judge people’s taste in film (I’ve seen Ghostbusters about 100 times); however, there is something about sparkly vampires that I just don’t get. Maybe if they added some zombies, then I’d start watching. Maybe.


Nominate yourself or a fabulous white chick friend to be WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter!

And...don't be shy, click on some of the annoying ads already!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

"Glee"

OMGlee...do white chicks cherish this show!

By combining the "best" parts of Broadway musicals and high school drama/sit-coms, "Glee" has quickly become a mega-sensation in just two seasons since debuting on the warm glowing warming glow of television.

For research's sake, I forced myself to tune into a few recent episodes of "Glee" to find out what the big, fat, hairy deal was with this show. And after a few viewings, I am convinced that ONLY white chicks, moms and homosexuals–not that there's anything wrong with that–are fans of this show.

Don't get me wrong, the show is brilliantly cast and touches on seemingly every stereotype from high school: there's the couple that always has relationship drama, the caring teacher, the sassy black and/or Asian chick, the air-headed, semi-slutty cheerleader, the uber-talented gay kid,the quirky handicapped kid, the bad boy who makes a perfect addition to the 'glee' club and others I am sure I am missing out on as I only forced myself to watch the show a couple of times. (Though I have to say Jane Lynch is truly wonderful in her role as Sue Sylvester).

And believe me, I had to force myself. You see, I am NOT a fan of musicals. (And I highly doubt most single, idiot dudes are). Call me a music snob, and you'd be absolutely correct, but I prefer bands and live concerts over a group of bubbly teens bursting into song for no apparent reason other than the fact that said song somehow fits into the current plot line. I'm trying to remove the word "hate" from my vocabulary...but it's safe to say I hate musicals. I know this is utter sacrilege in the white chick world, and I am sorry, but it's just who I am. In fact, I'd rather be waterboarded and hooked up to a car battery than voluntarily listen to "You're the One that I Want" (or any song from "Grease" for that matter, but especially THAT one).

(And as a side note I also severely dislike "American Idol," any show that includes the words "Dance" and/or "Talent" and every show that follows the "Gerund...with the Stars" formula. And don't get me started on the "Glee"-meets-"American Idol"-spin-off show "The Sing Off"...ugh).

I try not to be as dumb as I look or act, and will not allow my own cursed music snobbery get in the way of me realizing that "Glee" is HUGE! The show has cultivated a hungry cult following of "Gleeks" and gets great ratings. This year the show received 19 Emmy Award nominations (it won 4) and "Glee" has won everything from Golden Glodes to Screen Writing Guild Awards to Satellite Awards.

But what is absurdly amazing to me is the overwhelming success that the music from the show is getting. Songs performed by the cast of "Glee" are available for download on iTunes as singles and as a handful of albums. According to Wikipedia, in 2009 the cast of "Glee" had an astounding 25 singles on Billboard's "Hot 100," the most of any artist since THE BEATLES.

Since the show began, "Glee" has placed a total of 95 singles on Billboard's "Hot 100," the most of any artist since ELVIS PRESLEY! The cast's performance of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" has been certified gold after achieving over 500,000 downloads! (Seriously, how perfect is it that one of white chicks' all time favorite songs was covered on one of their new found favorite TV shows?!? PERF!).

The show has covered songs by a slew of artists including: Madonna, Britney Spears, Billy Joel, REO Speedwagon, Aretha Franklin, the Rolling Stones and The Beatles (and literally TONS more) and songs from other musicals like "Grease," "Chicago," Les Miserables," and even "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." And there's also the special guest stars of "Glee"–Neil Patrick Harris (white chicks LOVE this dude), Kristin Chenoweth (white chicks LOVE this gal), Carol Burnett and Gwyneth Paltrow are but a few of the celebrities who have appeared on "Glee." The cast has done sold out concert tours and even appeared at The White House.

Now, I try to be an open-minded single, idiot dude. And I tried to give "Glee" a shot. I honestly did. But since a large majority of the songs on the show are covers of current pop songs (go ahead and throw most songs on the Top 40 to the list of acceptible forms of torture for me) done in a show-choir fashion, I have to say I'm not a fan. How in the world could I be?

AND, considering that one episode I saw contained a performance of the unmentionally horrible Train song "Hey, Soul Sister" (seriously...is there anything we can do to put an end to this song and band already?) I am sure you can understand, dear reader, that the odds are unfairly stacked against me. I'm just a single, idiot dude who is a self-proclaimed music snob. I'm not a white chick, a mom or a homosexual–not that there's anything wrong with that–so I am clearly not "Glee's" target audience. And this fact was later reaffirmed in the same episode with a rousing rendition of "I've Had the Time of My Life" which is THE song from "Dirty Dancing"–another white chick all time favorite. (I do know better than to ever disparage "Dirty Dancing").

I've come to the conclusion that I hold "Glee" much in the same regard as I do figure skating (which is a "sport" also predominantly enjoyed by white chicks, moms and homosexuals–not that there's anything wrong with that). I am fully and admittedly aware that its participants are extremely disciplined, talented and gifted AND are much more successful in their chosen fields than I will likely ever be in mine. And I can live with that fact. BUT watching those talents on display will never, EVER make appreciate them more than I already do not.


Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter! And please, by all means, don't be too shy to click on any of the ads you may see on WWCC (which should be below the post and below the blog archives)!

Friday, December 3, 2010

White Chick(s) of the Week:Elizabeth and "Legally Fabulous"

I've always operated under the philosophy that if one of anything is fabulous, then two is freaking amazing. So, when I got a request from two spectacular white chicks wanting to be co-WCOTW, I was intrigued to say the least.

And just as the blog has sort of been a social media experiment for me--one that has truly shown me how awesome it is to see things spread across the Interweb--this week's installment of WCOTW further proves the effectiveness of the medium. When I got the WCOTW request from two white chicks, I just assumed they were BFF's from way back in the day.

But these gals are a tad different, they're Twitter BFFs. After exchanging a few emails and realizing they live in entirely different cities and were born in different states, it became apparent something was a little off.

"We don't actually 'know' each other," they wrote. "We met on Twitter! It's like eHarmony for girlfriends!"

So please give a warm WCOTW welcome to Elizabeth (that's her below on the left. You can visit her on Twitter at @E_K_M and read her blog here. ) and Legally Fabulous/LF goes by the handle @LegallyFab1 and her blog is here.

















BIO


Age:
EKM: One never asks a lady's age.
LF: 25

College/Major:
EKM: Auburn University/Public Relations and Management (War Damn Eagle!)
LF: University of Illinois, BS in Broadcast Jorunalism, then law school. (is there a more typical privileged white chick educational path?)

Current City:
EKM: Around Alabama
LF: Chicago

Hometown:
EKM: The capital of sweet home Alabama
LF: Dallas, TX

One Quick, Interesting Fact:
EKM: Everything is interesting about me!
LF: I have a JD and work 18 hours a week for 15 dollars an hour.

The Things They Cherish Most:

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal:
EKM: No. 1 on wheat, no pickles, water on a good day, fountain coke on a bad day.
LF: No. 1 with a Diet Lemonade

Non-Threatening Singer-Songwriter:
EKM:Taylor Swift or Christmas Music
LF: Probably Taylor Swift as well. Taylor doesn't just sing songs, she tells stories. Our stories.


Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans:
EKM: I like my nice Sevens that are more trouser like, but I really wear !iT more, they fit great.
LF:
Citizens of Humanity... those aren't ridiculously expensive though?

Boutique Cupcake Flavor:
EKM: Strawberry with cream cheese frosting or anything chocolate.
LF: Red Velvet.

White Chick Flick:
EKM:
Just saw "Life As We Know It" which was great & total chick flick! But "The Holiday" wins.
LF: "DreamGirls" and all Tyler Perry films.

Favorite Adult Beverage:
EKM: red wine or bourbon
LF: Red Bull/vodka (sugar-free redbull please)

Favorite White Chick Lit:
EKM: Harry Potter and Pat Conroy books are great. And if you're a true WC and majored in pr/broadcast journalism or journalism, you'd know Strunk&White Elements of Style and the AP Stylebook are also near and dear to your heart.
LF: All of Jenn Lancaster's books... I think she is my long lost older sister.

Item of Accoutrement/Accessory:
EKM: Pearls, duh.
LF: I have a big, obnoxious diamond Michele watch that I always wear.


WCOTW Q&A

When did you first realize you were a white chick?
EKM: I was born that way.
LF: When my mom told me the other night that she wished she hadn't given me everyhting I'd ever asked for in my entire life.

It's been a long week at work, tell us about your ideal white chick weekend.
EKM: Football in the SEC! Keeping Legally Fab in line via social media and texting.
LF: Binge drinking and husband hunting.

If you could be the contestant on any reality show which one would you choose and why?
EKM: Well LF and I would be in our own reality show. We've already taken a twitter poll and people said they would watch us on TV. It would consist of LF being her usual cray cray self, the dog Elle Woods, EKM and her undying love for Auburn and the state of Alabama. It might be on Lifetime Network unless Bravo picked us up. We would make appearances on the TODAY show because that's what WC's watch in the mornings. The Kardashians and Bethenny Frankel (and baby Brynn and assistant Julie) would want to hang out with us for sure. I think it would be more of a traveling show so we could visit all our twitter friends and see other WC's across the nation.

LF: I kind of hate reality TV. Biggest Loser is my favorite but I don't quite qualify for that yet, so I'm gonna default to EKM here. I need my own show. My life is kind of hilarious/ridiculous, so I'm sure it'd be a hit.

Your wildest dreams come true and you have a chance to be a guest on Oprah, Ellen or Live with Regis&Kelly but only ONE: What did you do to become famous and which show would you want to appear on?
EKM: Oprah, because she gives away free stuff. Ellen is funny but sometimes she's not as popular. Although she did make the "it's just like a mini mall!" guy famous and he's from my hometown. I'm just waiting for Antoine Dodson to show up on her show. Kelly is too skinny, I would feel uncomfortable being next to her and Regis is losing his touch!

LF: I hate Oprah. I text while driving just because I know she doesn't want me to, so that's obviously out. I feel "meh" about Ellen, so I guess Regis and Kelly. I'll probably become famous for defending someone in some sort of ridiculous criminal trial.

Tell us a something about you that is very un-white chick
EKM: I would say going hunting but that seems to be a regular occurrence here in Alabama, so I'd say going to the restroom not in a designated restroom.

LF: I love Beyonce. Like, I'm obsessed. I guess after single ladies that's a pretty white chick thing to say though.

If you could trade places with any famous white chick who would it be and why?
EKM: Probably one of the Bush twins, because they're normal and don't get in trouble like LiLo and Paris. And well now after Kim K's magazine, deal, that's just not so nice.

LF: I like EKM's answer... I'm obsessed with the Bush family. But probably Nancy Grace... she has my dream job. And you either love her or you hate her, which we definitely have in common.



Nominate yourself or a fabulous white chick friend to be WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter!


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

White Chick Problems (aka. First World Problems)

Dear white chicks, white chick enthusiasts and loyal WWCC readers;

Please accept my most sincere apologies for the lack of content lately. I know this will come as a pitiful excuse for an apology for this egregious error, but I have something of a good cause for the lack of WWCC posts lately. I was out of town for a couple of days before Thanksgiving week and spent the entire week of Turkey Day at home--mooching off my parent's bountiful supply of groceries and enjoying a week surrounded by family. And upon my return to Atlanta I was stricken with a cold (it seems half my extended family was sick over Thanksgiving, so it was only a matter of time before it caught up to me), and so today WWCC returns with a new post. Finally.

I'd plan to do this post to coincide with Thanksgiving, but alas the aforementioned reasons and my lifelong battle with procrastination got the better of me. But it occurred to me over the break that, despite my paltry bank account and relative lack of success in the job hunt, that I still have a lot of reasons to be thankful. I'm blessed with a great family, awesome friends and the sweetest dog ever. Despite its abundance of crapulence at times, life can still be wonderful.

And while I am positive white chicks everywhere have equally important reasons to be thankful this holiday season, I also can only barely fathom how difficult it is to be a white chick at times. Life, despite its ability to be wonderful in times of crapulence, is rarely a walk in the park for white chicks. In fact, it's damn hard to be a white chick. Like hunted prey in the wilderness, white chicks have to be incredibly nimble to stay adorable and up to date in an incredibly competitive and ever-changing environment. I said this before in a previous post, but for white chicks the competition is everywhere and it always looks fabulous.

So as an ode to the arduous, up-hill battle white chicks face on a daily basis just for being white chicks, I decided to compile a list of White Chick Problems (aka. First World Problems). And while these challenges are hardly cherished, they should nonetheless be known to the world as they help build the immaculate fortitude that make white chicks such a truly magical breed.

Common White Chick/First World Problems may include, but not are limited to, any of the following:
  • When water-proof mascara is so water-proof it does not come off after washing their face, like, three times.
  • The "Sophie's Choice" decision of choosing to either watch or DVR "Gossip Girl" or "The Bachelor" on Monday nights.
  • When that selfish careless slut in front of of them in line takes the last red velvet cupcake.
  • When the only phone call/text they receive from a guy on Friday nights is labelled in their phones as "Don't Answer. EVER."
  • Beverage choices: Wine vs Cocktail vs Wheat Beer.
  • When the stupid Presidential Address interrupts "Glee" (or any other favorite show)
  • Finding the "perf" pair of boots ON SALE but they are a half-size too big/small.
  • Late Night Choices: Sack of Krystals, wine and a chick-flick with the girls or answering the Booty Call.
  • When they clearly ordered a triple-shot Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks but it's evident there is only two-shots in the cup.
  • Having to decide what to order to eat on a first date.
  • Having to jerry-rig the strap on their favorite over-sized handbag because the buckle broke.
  • Spilling their Pumpkin Spice Latte on their laptop.
  • Trying to decide when to "Friend" a new crush on Facebook. Do they wait for him to do it or brazenly do it themselves?
  • Getting upset when their favorite band that THEY DISCOVERED suddenly is liked by EVERYONE. (ie. Kings of Leon).
  • Setting their alarm clock for PM instead of AM on Black Friday.
  • Having to choose where to eat for the "Girls Night Out Birthday Dinner" and subsequently figuring out how to overcome the "no separate checks" policy.
  • Facing the impossible fact that they just talked to a guy with lipstick/spinach/some foreign substance stuck in their teeth.
  • The difficulty of finding a way for their new watch/necklace/earrings, etc. to match their other jewelry.
  • Having to feign gratitude when their boyfriend's mother gives them a gift card for a Christmas/birthday present.
  • The horrid reality that Prince William is marrying "that girl."
  • When their roommate carelessly erases the latest and unwatched episode of "So You Think You Can Dance" or "True Blood" before they had a chance to watch it.
  • Arriving to a social event to see a total skank wearing the same dress/outfit. And NOT being able to go back home and change.
  • Not being able to wear their favorite heels on a date for fear of being taller than the gentleman caller.
  • Meeting the perfect guy only to find out later he likes Nickelback and owns/wears Ed Hardy clothing. Or he's gay.
  • Farting during yoga/pilates class.
  • The fear of farting on a first date/job interview/meeting his parents for the first time.
  • When Chick-Fil-A forgets to provide a straw when they order a giant fountain Diet Coke or Peppermint milkshake (author's note: I am sure this rarely happens as Chick-Fil-A never forgets the straw in the drive-thru...but if this were to ever happen it would likely bring about the end of humanity).
  • When a restaurant's fountain regrettably runs out of Diet Coke or only offers Diet Pepsi or Coke Zero (It's just not the same).
  • When the Avett Brothers' concert sells out before they can get tickets OR the Avetts fail to perform their favorite song
  • Lumpy/congealed/unacceptable queso dip at Mexican night with the girls.
  • Groceries or Highlights?
  • Bridesmaid dresses.
  • Having to wait, like over a WEEK, for a new post on What White Chicks Cherish. And/or waiting for their turn to be White Chick of the Week.
  • When their girlfriends go see "Eat Pray Love" before they've had a chance to finish reading the book.
  • Crying when they're drunk and overdressed at a college football game when their team loses in overtime/to the hated rival. (Bonus points if you are, unfortunately, a Clemson fan).
  • Having to substitute Monster or a lesser energy drink when they order a Red Bull and Vodka at the bar. (OR if the bar doesn't have Sugar-Free Red Bull).
  • Not discovering until in daylight out of the house that their black leggings and black boots aren't the same shade of black.
  • Missing the sale at Anthropologie.
  • When their new manicure makes it difficult to type/text on their laptops or iPhones.
  • When the strap on their favorite shoes/dress/bra/flip-flops breaks.
  • When their spray tan leaves an orange residue/hue on their 600 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets.
  • The sad truth that delicious red wine temporarily causes "grey teeth"
What did WWCC leave out? Let us know on Facebook or Twitter

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Chelsea Handler

White Chicks are not without their role models. They have non-gay celebrity crushes on a plethora famous female figureheads they either want to be or be BFF's with.

There's Kelly Ripa who serves as prime example of balancing perky cuteness, a bubbling personality and charm with a successful career, a family and product endorsements.

There's Princess Diana who, years after her untimely death, stills serves as the epitome of grace, elegance, humility and goodwill.

There's Jennifer Aniston (she ranks quite high on my "Celebrities I wanna Do" list) who blends girl-next-door good looks with unfortunately-unlucky-in-love fate that many white chicks regrettably relate to.

And, of course, there's Oprah who is essentially is the most powerful woman on the planet. She's more omnipotent and wealthy than God and can change lives with the snap of a finger.

And that's just barely scratching of the surface of White Chick role models. But there's a relatively new White Chick role model on the scene--someone whose mega-successful career encompasses TV, comedy and literature. Someone who is easily one of the sexiest, funniest women on Earth (along with Tina Fey who also makes my coveted "list"). She's not only extremely successful and popular, but also possesses a razor sharp wit and a crass sense of self-deprecation that could make your funny-as-hell-yet-often-inappropriate-at-family-dinners-uncle blush like a school girl. AND she's got a tremendous rack.

So, it's no big surprise that White Chicks Cherish Chelsea Handler.

In case you aren't familiar with Chelsea Handler's recent explosion on the scene of uber-sexy/uber-hilarious White Chick role models, here are a few bullet points to bring you, dearest WWCC reader, up to speed:

  • She's the host of "Chelsea Lately" on E!, a show known for its tongue-in-cheek take on the celebrity gossip world and often finds handler rubbing elbows with up-and-coming comedians as well as A-list celebrities. The show is also groundbreaking in the fact half of its writing staff consists of women. So while Ms. Handler can make dirty jokes with her midget sidekick, Chuey, she's also a trailblazing pioneer for women! Go White Chicks!
  • Ms. Handler is also an accomplished author. She showcased her wit and brazen fearlessness to talk about her own sex life in the memoir "My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands." She has also penned "Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea" (which is assuredly on the bookshelf of most white chicks out there) and the book "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang."
  • In March of this year, Handler officially achieved "BALLER" status in the literary world when ALL THREE OF HER BOOKS HELD THE TOP 3 SPOTS OF THE NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER LIST! Seriously...that is bad ass. Truly amazing.
  • Handler also has a regular column in "Cosmo"
  • Handler's endeavors into stand-up comedy have included sold-out nationwide tours and appearances on HBO, Comedy Central and Oxygen's "Girls Behaving Badly"
  • She's also a philanthropist and received the "Ally for Equality Award" by the Human Rights Campaign for her support of the LGBT community.
  • And sure it's superficial, but her hotness has been legitimized through a cover appearance on "Playboy" (she had posed for a non-nude pictorial) and made the cut of "Maxim's Hot 100."
  • This year, Handler became the second woman EVER to host MTV's video Video Music Awards.
  • And, according to the celebrity tabloid world, Handler may or may not be currently hooking up with 50 Cent. (And whether they freely admit to it or not, most white chicks do carry a secret, lustful fascination with chiseled, mega-successful and unattainable black men...just saying).
Come say hi to WWCC on Facebook and Twitter.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Abbreviating Commonly Used Words or Expressions (aka. abbrevs or breevin)

It's highly likely, centuries from now when the dumbing down of American civilization and subsequent downfall of modern humanity are studied on other planets, that the ill-effects of the Internet and mobile phones on our collective intelligence will play a major role in our demise.

Don't get me wrong, I love the Interweb and all the vast, useless silliness it entails (ie. blogs about the behavior of cute white chicks). And in most cases it's much easier and simpler to communicate via emails, text messages and Instant Messaging than to actually have a face to face conversation or phone discussion with someone. Simply put, these electronic devices have changed the way we all converse with one another in equally positive and negative ways.

And while text-speak, web slang, Internet jargon and Tweeting have completely permeated our society, there is only one species on Earth that has truly reaped the benefits of this relatively new found shortened sense of communication. And that's because White Chicks Cherish Abbreviating Commonly Used Words or Expressions (aka. abbrevs or breevin).

I've spent a portion of this week researching the "breevin" phenomenon amongst my adorable Caucasian female counterparts and have reached an important conclusion. "Breevin" should only be done by white chicks. Through my research, I tried to slip "abbrevs" into a few chats and felt completely ridiculous and utterly insecure.

Frequently used "abbrevs"in the white chick vernacular can be acronyms for common phrases or just shortened, abbreviated versions of regular words. In the hopes of helping WWCC readers better understand the "breevin" phenomenon, which is basically white chick shorthand, I have compiled a working list of commonly used "abbrevs" and will present them as follows:
--"Abbrev": the "Abbrevs" root word and "it's use in a sentence, which are frequently combined with other abbrevs"

--OMG: Oh my God. "OMG, this Oversized Hand Bag is to die for."

--Totes: Totally. "I'm totes going to Sunday Brunch with the girls after this long day of Overdressing for College Football Games"

--Obvs/Obvi: Obviously."OMG, those Fashionable Rainboots are obvi the bomb."

(author's note: OMG, totes and obvi are something of the holy trinity in the white chick "abbrevs" lexicon).

--Cray Cray: Crazy/utterly bat-shit insane. "OMG, Sheree on RHWOA (Real Housewives of Atlanta) is totes cray cray."

--NBD: No big deal. "OMG, I totes have two callback interviews for two different PR firms this week...NBD."

--BTW: By the way (some whitechicks actually pronounce this abbrev as "BeeTeeDubs." "BTW, girlfriend, I need you to return my Belt As Fashion Accessory, I'm totes gonna wear it on a date."

--Presh: Precious. "Look at those mini-red velvet cupcakes, they are SO presh."

--Jell/Jelly: Jealous. "Oooh, the girls are totes gonna be jelly of my new Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans."

--FTW: For the win/to triumph. "Chick-fil-A chicken minis after a long night of drinking while watching "The Bachelor, FTW."

--BCP/BKP: Birth Control Pills aka. "baby kill pills." "I totes forgot to take my BCP's for the last few days, now I'm eating them like Skittles to catch up."

--Ridic: Ridiculous. "Friday night is SO gonna be Girl's Night Out. We're gonna drink, dance and listen to 80's music, it's gonna be ridic!"

--Adorb: Aborable. "This Lilly dress is totes adorb."

--Perf: Perfect. "I found the perf ballet flats to wear with my new adorb Lily dress. FTW!"

--Hilar: Hilarious. "She dressed as Double Rainbow for Halloween...hilar!"

--Fab: Fabulous. "Girl, this fro-yo (frozen yogurt) is so fab!"

--Belig: Belligerent. "OMG, she had like 8 bellinis at brunch, she's totes gonna get belig on us."

--Vom: vomit. "Ugh, there's no way I could drink that much, I would totes vom."

--Trampage: A slutty rampage. "OMG, she's belig drunk. Just made a vom in the girl's room. AND her ex-bf is here with some skank. I smell a trampage coming on."

--Sars: Sorry. "Girls, sars for the trampage yesterday. Between the bellinis and my ex, it was the perf storm."

--Sketch: Sketchy. "Some sketch ball just asked me to make out in the bathroom with him. Vom!"

--Nast: Nasty. "OMG, that slut is totes gonna make out in the bathroom with that sketchball. Nast!"


In the likely even that WWCC overlooked some common abbrevs, please share some omissions on Facebook and Twitter.

Monday, November 8, 2010

White Chick of the Week: Poem Turner

WWCC loyalists, please accept my most sincere apologies for a lack of posts this previous week. I was out of town for a couple of days and was severely lazy over the weekend (I spent a majority of it in my pajamas napping at all hours of the day).

So in the interests of getting back on task...

This week's White Chick of the Week marks a few firsts in the short-lived WCOTW feature.

She is the first White Chick that has been nominated, and comes highly recommended from a mutual friend who was a college buddy and former roommate of mine from my starving artist days in Charleston, SC.

She's the first married WCOTW...proof positive that some other idiot dude (no offense to her hubby, of course) out there clearly recognized her mettle and appeal as a top-notch white chick.

She's also WWCC's first White Chick of the Week to not have a college or professional background in Communications/Public Relations (turns out White Chicks are capable to excel in other fields as you will soon learn).

And she's also the first North Carolina resident to be featured as a WCOTW.

So without further ado, it is an esteemed honor (as always) to introduce WWCC's White Chick of the Week: Poem Turner

Bio:

Age: Let's just say it stops at 29.

College: "We're the Red and White from State and we're here to kick your a**" (As a side note, this NC State alum's beloved football team was vanquished by my Clemson Tigers over the weekend in what was easily the fugliest game of two-sided offensive ineptitude that the NCAA has likely ever seen in its storied history).

Major: One of them has to do with fish.

Occupation: Molecular Biologist

Hometown: The Sunny Caribbean

Current City: Cary, NC. "Money" magazine called us the #5 Best Place to Live in the U.S.

A quick, interesting fact about Poem: Option 1: Due to my name and that I'm from the Islands, people tend to think I'm black. Then they meet me and realize "Money" magazine should have named me the Top 5 Whitest chick ever. Option 2: I know every lyric to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire."

The Things Poem Cherishes Most

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal: The one with the nuggets and honey mustard sauce along with a Cookies and Cream milkshake. But I have to give a shout out to the breakfast Chicken Minis!
Non-threatening Singer-songwriter: The Avett Brothers
Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans: David Kahn or Paper Denim & Cloth
Boutique Cupcake Flavor: Pina Colada
White Chick Flick: "Princess Bride," "Laws of Attraction," and "Intolerable Cruelty"
White Chick Lit: I don't often indulge, but when I do it's anything by Candace Bushnell
Adult Beverage: Chocolate martini but Drunken Gummy Bears are high on the list.
Item of Accoutrement: Big Sunglasses

WCOTW Q&A

It's been a long week at work, tell us about your ideal white chick weekend: Catch a plane with in-flight beverages to NYC to visit my sister. Get a massage, go shopping, spend way too long getting dressed up (inappropriately for the weather, of course), dinner at an overly-hyped "hard-to-get-reservations-to" restaurant, dancing to live 80's music, making fun other white chicks for doing the same thing, brunch the next day, prep for a dinner party, writ my White Chick of the Week profile while helping back a scratch-made cake, quick dinner party with adult beverages, and fly back home to snuggle with my hubby.

What name do you have picked out for your hypothetical children? For a girl I prefer Andrea or Audrey, but we'll probably compromise on Reagan. For a boy, my husband already has the whitest name ever (Robert Charles), so we may just recycle that since it's too good to waste.

What are some of the things you cherish most as a white chick? I do love spin class and who doesn't love a blog about their lifestyle (author's note: Boo Yah!). And do I really need to mention shopping?

Your wildest dreams come true and you have a chance to be a guest on "Oprah," "Ellen," or "Live with Regis and Kelly" but ONLY one. What did you do to become famous and which show would you appear on? My sister and I opened a boutique paperie and full-service event planning store that became wildly successful. Ellen and I will discuss it one afternoon along with the acting talent of Portia de Rossi on the short-lived white chick favorite "Better Off Ted."

Tell us something very un-white chick about you: There's not even room to start...

If you could trade places with any famous white chick who would it be? Julianne Moore because she's so fabulous.


Nominate yourself or a fabulous white chick friend to be WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Fashionable Rain Boots

Though it would never happen in our capitalist society, I am of the staunch and unrealistic belief that everything should be shut down on days of inclement weather. I'm not talking about brief summer showers where it dumps rain for 20 minutes and then the sun comes out again, I'm talking about days where it's a torrential downpour. All. Day. Long.

Nothing is worse than having to go about your normal business on a rainy day. It puts a damper on everything—the bottoms of your pants get rain-soaked, it's impossible to have a good hair day and people drive like complete and total nit-wits.

Businesses should close and mandatory "sick" days should be granted to all tax-paying citizens on rainy days because all you really want to do (and should be required by law to do) is lay around in your pajamas and watch movies you seen a bajillion times all day.

But this line of reasoning, as appealing as it may be to most white chicks, is faulty at best. Rainy days present a unique opportunity for white chicks to showcase a hidden gem in their fashion arsenals...and that's because White Chicks Cherish Fashionable Rain Boots.

WWCC has discussed on several occasions how white chicks will likely choose form over function when it comes to looking adorable and Fashionable Rain Boots represent a happy union of the two. From a manufacturing perspective, Fashionable Rain Boots are functionally the same as the gear worn by commercial fishermen—they're made of rubber to keep one's feet secure and dry from precipitation and provide ample traction for wet, slippery surfaces.

But there's a big difference between a commercial fisherman's galoshes and Fashionable Rain Boots; a great pair of Fashionable Rain Boots are To.Die.For. And I highly doubt that brands like Steve Madden, Coach, Michael Kors, Chooka and Burberry give a damn about commercial fisherman when they can sell Fashionable Rain Boots to white chicks for a retail price of anywhere from $59.95 to $250!

A fabulous pair of Fashionable Rain Boots are likely to incorporate any of the following in their design:
--Polka Dots
--Animal Print (OMG..have you seen the Peacock print?)
--Stripes
--Plaid
--Bright, Solid Colors (like yellows, reds or pastels)
--Cute, Baby Animals (such as whales or duckies...bonus points if the duckies are dressed in their own adorable rain garb)
--Some type of artsy pattern (hearts, flowers or paisley for example)
--High-end name-brand accoutrement (ie. The Coach logo or Burberry plaid)
--Or possibly something ironic (ever seen a super cute white chick in a pair of Fashionable Rain Boots sporting a skull and cross bones? I have.)

Fashionable Rain Boots can virtually be paired with any outfit: they go well with shorts in the summer, a mini skirt or dress and are fab on cold, wet days with a pair of ridiculously expensive jeans or leggings tucked in.

A white chick only needs a low-percent chance of rain to bust out her Fashionable Rain Boots. I've seen white chicks sporting their FRB's on completely sunny days and I've been jealous of white chicks and their dry feet on days when it's raining cats and dogs and my socks are soaking wet inside my shoes (ugh...the WORST!).

But rest assured no matter the weather forecast, when it comes to a white chick and her preparedness for inclement days, there's a 100% chance of Fashionable Rain Boots.


Tell us about your favorite FRB's, white chicks. Hit up WWCC on Facebook or Twitter.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Dressing Like Total Sluts for Halloween

If you haven't caught on through previous WWCC posts, White Chicks are simply amazing and fantastic creatures. They're the only species on the planet to have artfully mastered the vast complexities of fashion, accessories and putting together the proper outfit for the the proper occasion. Though a lot of their fashion decisions may make very little common sense on paper (ie. scarves in the summer or cowboy boots with a cute sundress) only a truly unique breed of human would be able to carry off such perplexing clothing choices with such adorable aplomb.

From job interviews to casual window shopping to hungover brunches, white chicks have an uncanny way to dress appropriately for all occasions and look amazing for everyone of them. Dressing sensibly for white chicks has far less to do with common sense than it does with the end goal of looking cute. Tacky is the enemy. Trashy is avoided at all costs. And slutty is basically the end of all humanity in the white chick world.

But there is one day of the year when all white chick fashion etiquette goes out the window. A special day (which can be stretched out into an entire week between all the different parties and social events associated with the holiday) in which everything their mothers ever taught them about carrying themselves in a lady-like manner becomes utterly useless and unheeded information.

And that's because White Chicks Cherish Dressing Like Total Sluts on Halloween.

Just as children appreciate Halloween for its unique opportunity to not only accept candy from strangers but to wander public streets begging for it, white chicks' fondness for Halloween is deeply rooted in the opportunity, for maybe just a few hours out of the entire to year, to revel in their inner-slut and display it proudly for the whole world to see. (It's more or less certifiable fact that every white chick on the planet has an inner-slut to varying degrees).

What other holiday allows white chicks to drink excessively while wearing certain clothing (or lack thereof) items in public (like a corset or nipple tassels, for example) that they would never, EVER wear on any other day? What other day allows white chick girlfriends to go shopping for things that would literally kill their grandmothers if that dear, old woman would ever see her granddaughter in such an outfit?

Only Halloween.

I tend to view Halloween in the same light as New Year's Eve. I usually end up having good times on each holiday, but generally think that too much planning, stress and importance is placed on each occasion to have the "Best Night Ever." But I'm also a warm-blooded, single, idiot dude and of course love to see cute white chicks in absurdly revealing clothing.

For those unfamiliar with the phenomenon of White Chicks Dressing Like Total Sluts for Halloween, there are typically three stages of slut-costumery, each one more provocative than the next. They are as follows:

Naughty: This is the fetal stage of Dressing Like a Total Slut for Halloween. Put simply, a Naughty Costume would entail anything a white chick wouldn't wear to work or in front of her grandparents. Clothing items will be exceptionally tight, short, or revealing but still leave something to the imagination of onlookers. Naughty Costumes may provide a chance for white chicks to wear that one top, skirt or pair of shoes they know they look hot in, but still cannot believe they ever bought because said item(s) are just a little "too over the top."

Sexy: Sexy is stage two of Dressing Like a Total Slut for Halloween. Tight and skimpy are the general rules of thumb when picking out a costume. Excessive cleavage, thigh high stockings, and stripper-esque high heels are bonafide requirements. Sexy costumes may make normal activities like walking or sitting next to impossible to do without exposing a peak of underwear. Sexy costumes may also be the first time anyone other than an intimate boyfriend or a BFF discovers a white chick has a tattoo or birthmark in that one area that typically doesn't see much daylight.

Slutty: On any other day a Slutty Costume would get a white chick confused with a full-fledged prostitute and possibly arrested for indecent exposure. The likelihood for a white chick in a Slutty Costume to unknowingly expose a nipple, butt cheek or her "special area" to the public in such an outfit is all but guaranteed to occur. Essentially, the only thing separating a white chick in a Slutty Costume from one of those drunk chicks on the "Girls Gone Wild" videos is the absence a millionaire pervert with a video camera capturing it all on film and then distributing said video through lascivious late-night cable TV advertising.

White chicks, just in case you have yet to solidify your Halloween costume(s) for this year (which is highly unlikely as Halloween costume planning for white chicks typically begins on November 1), WWCC has compiled a list of possible costume ideas.

Simply add the words Naughty, Sexy or Slutty to anything listed below and then consult your giant, cardboard box of Halloween accoutrement to complete the look:

--Cop
--Cheerleader (Bonus points if it's your actual cheerleader outfit from high school)
--Catholic School Girl (call me a single, idiot dude, but this is the BEST. COSTUME. EVER.)
--Angel/Pixie/Fairy
--Football Player
--Pocahontas
--Girl Scout/Brownie (this is sort of wrong in an awesome way)
--Little Bo Peep
--Dorothy from "The Wizard of Oz"
--Strawberry Shortcake
--Rainbow Bright
--French Maid
--Harry Potter/Hogwarts outfit
--Vegas Showgirl
--Little Red Ridinghood
--Nun (this is wrong on so many levels)
--Disco Queen
--Snow White
--Hooters Waitress
--Alice in Wonderland
--Sailor Girl
--Eve (as in "Adam and...")
--Business Woman (aka SEXecutive)
--1920's Flapper
--Genie
--50's Diner Waitress
--Roller Girl (I'm not sure why, but roller skates are SO slutty)
--She-Devil
--Cinderella
--Cleopatra
--Cat Woman
--Nurse/Doctor
--Playboy Bunny
--Referee
--Lady Pimp
--Princess Leia (bonus points for an excellent ear-muff hairstyle. Mega-bonus points if it's the Princess Leia skimpy gold bikini outfit a la "Return of the Jedi")
--Marilyn Monroe
--Betty Page
--Belle from "Beauty and the Beast"
--Hot Mobster
--Stewardess
--Greek Goddess/Toga Hooker
--Burlesque Girl
--Lingerie Model
--Race car Girl
--Dominatrix
--Convict
--Bavarian Beer Maid
--Pirate Wench
--Any other Disney Princess not previously mentioned
--Future Robot Hooker
--Daisy Duke
--Victorian-era Hooker
--Geisha Girl
--Firefighter
--Antebellum-era Hooker
--Vampiress
--Smurfette
--Witch
--White Trash Barbie
--Werewolf Hooker (I have never seen this costume, but I think it's a pretty gnarly idea)
--Zombie Hooker
--Belly Dancer
--Regular Hooker
--Wilma or Betty from "The Flintstones" (Betty is WAY hotter)
--Army Girl
--Queen of Hearts
--Baseball Hooker
--Construction Worker
--80's Hair Band Groupie Hooker
--Santa's Elf
--Britney/Christina/Madonna/Katy Perry/Lady GaGa/Cher
--Librarian (runner-up for Best. Costume. EVER.)
--Jem from "Jem and the Holograms" (Truly. Truly. Truly outrageous).
--Raggedy Anne
--Wonder Woman
--Bumble Bee
--BatGirl
--SuperGirl
--Medieval Hooker
--CaveWoman Hooker
--Going with a group of bffs as "Sex and the City" girls
--Mariachi Band Hooker (I just made this up)
--Kitty Cat
--Punky Brewster
--one of the "Mad Men" women (Is there anyone on TV sexier than Joan? No way.)
--Jane from "Tarzan"
--Hippie Hooker
--Betty Boop
--Lara Croft
--Ballerina
--Auto Mechanic
--Viking Hooker
--Barbarella
--one of the "Saved by the Bell" girls (bonus points for the "I'm so excited" version of Jessie Spano all jacked-up on caffeine pills)

Happy Halloween WWCC readers!

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White Chick of the Week: Elizabeth Ingram

WWCC has been honored to spotlight some truly fabulous gals in the White Chick of the Week feature thus far. The last WCOTW features have all been members of SEC universities—showcasing the glory of white chicks that have attended the likes of Universities of South Carolina, Georgia and Florida.

No offense to any of the white chicks who matriculate at those schools, or any other college for that matter, but there is one university that will always hold the top spot in the heart of the single, idiot dude-author of What White Chick's Cherish. Of course, it's a natural to be somewhat biased towards one's alum, but I highly suspect, that if scientific research were done to look into the matter, the findings would show that there is something exceptionally wonderful about white chicks who attend Clemson University.

While our football team seems to constantly hover somewhere between potentially great and slightly better than mediocre season after season, Clemson White Chicks are consistently glorious.

I am of the infallible opinion that Clemson girls are truly THE upper echelon of white chick-dom.

So, it is an esteemed honor to introduce WWCC's latest White Chick of the Week, and proud Clemson White Chick Alum: Elizabeth Ingram

Bio:

Age: 25

College/Major: Clemson University/Communication Studies. (Author's note: Elizabeth referred to Clemson as "The best place on Earth" while "God's Country" is also an acceptable answer).

Current City: Greenville, SC

Hometown: Greer, SC by way of Fort Worth, TX

Occupation: Public Relations

An interesting fact about Elizabeth: I've met Chuck Norris twice and own Seasons 1 and 10 of "Walker, Texas Ranger." (Author's note: Chuck Norris doesn't swear sunglasses. The sun wears Chuckglasses.)

What Elizabeth Cherishes:

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal:
Up until recently it was always an 8-count nugget meal with half sweet tea/half lemonade (an "Arnold Palmer") and honey mustard sauce. HOWEVER, since the release of the Spicy Chicken Sandwich, it's now a #3 with mayo and a coke. AMAZINGGG! And now I'm totes craving CFA.
Non-threatening Singer-Songwriter: As is non-threatening to me or the general public? Either way, John Mayer.
Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans: This may come as a shock to my chic white girlfriends, but I actually don't splurge on blue jeans. Until I went to college, I never even owned a pair. I live in dresses and skirts because they're my fave. (Plus, being six feet tall, to say that it's hard to find a pair of jeans that are long enough and fit me just right is an understatement). I save my splurging on other important things like makeup. And shoes. And handbags. And iced coffee.
Boutique Cupcake Flavor: Devil's Food Cake with Butter Cream icing (basically any flavor BUT Red Velvet...gross!)
White Chick Flick: It's a tie between "Sixteen Candles" and "The Princess Bride."
White Chick Lit: "Bergdorf Blondes" by Plum Sykes or "Where the Red Fern Grows" by Wilson Rawls.
Adult Beverage: I don't drink much but when I do I always order a madras.
Item of accoutrement/Accessory: Lots of big jewelry!

WCOTW Q&A

What names do you have picked out for your hypothetical children: Boy: Charles Jackson. Girl: Stella Marie.

What are some things you cherish most as a white chick: The fact that I don't have to work on a farm to wear cowboy boots, crying my way out of speeding tickets, over-dressing for college football games (shout out to the previous and very true WWCC post!), monogramming everything I own, sundresses, big sunglasses, pea coats, Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant movies, ending notes/emails with "XOXOXO" and being able to dance better than white guys.

Turn the tides: discuss something that white guys are particularly fond of that you find comical: Three words: Short Man Syndrome. I think it's hilarious to watch guys who are "Vertically Challenged" try to make up for it by either: 1). Driving a big truck or 2). Working out excessively and wearing tight shirts to show off the fact that they work out excessively. Newsflash, boys—you're not fooling anyone and you're still short.

Tell us something about you that is very un-white chick: I love NASCAR! I got to meet Jimmie Johnson (my favorite driver, #48) last week at a work event and it was pretty much the best day of my life!

Are you a "Twilight" fan despite being a full-grown, mature adult? Why? Duh? But really, I do enjoy the storyline. And I secretly live vicariously through Kristen Stewart's character, even though she is the worst actress ever. Oh, and go Team Jacob!

Are you a fantastic white chick? Or do you know one? Drop me an email at mark.pantsari@gmail.com and nominate yourself or a pal to be WCOTW!

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