Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Spending, Like, Over $100 at Target on Their Lunch Hour.

During my awkward middle school days, there was no greater insult than to be told you dressed like your clothes came from Wal-Mart or K-Mart. As a middle-class tween, I lived under the constant fear of being admonished for dressing in the fashions of either of those big-box retailers.

Don't get me wrong, I've matured slightly since those days and recognize the fact that Wal-Mart offers amazing values to good, honest, hard-working people. Plus, there's simply no better place to buy wardrobe celebrating one's favorite NASCAR driver or pro wrestler AND then get an oil change. And though there is a small part of me that avoids Wal-Mart because of the corporation's inhumane treatment of it's employees, the real reason is the train wreck of humanity that makes up a large majority of its patrons truly gives me the heebie jeebies.

And I can't really comment on K-Mart, as I haven't entered one, nor have I seen one still open for business in more than a decade.

But Target, on the other hand, is simply wonderful. This bastion of big-box retail bliss makes the patriotic act of purchasing consumer goods and useful products one of life's most fantastic simple pleasures. Along with affordable goods for you and your home, Target's products feature brilliant design, the chain has great advertising and its line of male and female fashions are generally current and, dare I say, cool.

And to top off Target's undeniable splendor, there's that certain, untouchable something pumping through the atmosphere at that glorious store. Something that makes you lose all concept of time, current needs and budget. Something that makes White Chicks Cherish Spending, Like, Over $100 at Target on Their Lunch Hour.

If you're not familiar with the phenomenon of White Chicks Spending, Like, Over $100 at Target on Their Lunch Hour, please peruse this hypothetical bullet point presentation:

  • It's been a busy day in her PR office, but there a few items White Chick (WC) just simply needs from Target in order to continue life. JUST a few.
  • Upon entering Target, WC catches the yummy waft of a Pumpkin Spice Latte form the Target Starbucks (Targets containing a Starbucks inside may vary upon your location) and simply MUST have one. Before she even fully enters the store, WC is out an unintended $5.
  • WC picks up a basket and heads to the wondrous toiletries area to get what she came for: face wash, a tooth brush and some Burt's Bees lip balm. She then notices the little package of Burt's Bees goodness that contains lip gloss and hand cream in addition to lip balm. Boo yah–WC falls victim to the pre-packaged up-sell.
  • WC then decides "I'm here, I may as well restock my entire arsenal of toiletries." She then grabs toothpaste, floss, whitening strips, body wash, deodorant, some "lady" products a bottle of Advil/Mydol, shaving gel and one of those new-fangled lady razors.
  • WC then comes to realization she can't remember how much laundry detergent she has at home. Or fabric softener. Oh, and a new one of those soap-sponge dish-thingies and, of course, dish washing soap.
  • WC then returns to the store entrance and dumps her overflowing basket of goods into a buggy that will accomodate her future purchases.
  • Although WC did not intend for this to become a grocery purchasing trip, she picks up a twelve pack of Diet Coke, a box of that yummy hot chocolate and/or tea and a a box of Kashi Go Lean Crunch (Kashi cereal is to White Chicks as Wheaties is to Oympic athletes).
  • She checks her smart phone for the time and takes a few minutes to return a couple of texts, check her work email and Facebook account. She notices birthday alerts for a few friends.
  • WC then makes a stop to the card section for a couple of birthday cards and a card for her BFF that is just having one of those days/weeks/months. (White chicks LOVE greeting cards for "just because" reasons). The card section is very close to the decorative candle section and she does just LOVE that holiday scented candle.
  • Though she's running a bit late, WC is dangerously close to the female clothing section and decides, "it doesn't hurt to just look." She finds a a pair of boots that she just cannot live without, a cute top and a new pair of fuzzy socks for those lazy Sundays after brunch.
  • With two-and-a-half minutes remaining on her lunch hour, WC makes her way to the check-out area. While waiting, she picks up a copy of People, a bottle of water, a pack of that teeth whitening gum, a tiny bottle of Purel and a pack of ponty tail bands to keep in her giant handbag.
  • Despite a shopping cart full of products, WC is in incredulous disbelief when she is presented with the total retail cost of her lunch hour Target trip to pick up just a few things. Totally shocked. Aghast.
  • She'll return to the office to finish her work day without having had lunch, but will get by until she meets the girls for after work Mexican night on the bag of Peanut Butter M&Ms she also decided to pick up.
  • AND since she's gotten this far she may as well sign up for the Target credit card and get 10% off today's purchase.

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  1. i work at target. dangerous. so. effing. dangerous.

  2. You have to mention the cheap DVDs. Target's DVD deals are almost unrivaled.

  3. Love it! And don't forget an absolute necessity of a Target spree. 1 (or 4) bottles of wine (to fill that perf cloth wine bag with four spaces for bottles) or a box of wine (only because it's totes adorbs)!