Wednesday, December 8, 2010

"Glee" white chicks cherish this show!

By combining the "best" parts of Broadway musicals and high school drama/sit-coms, "Glee" has quickly become a mega-sensation in just two seasons since debuting on the warm glowing warming glow of television.

For research's sake, I forced myself to tune into a few recent episodes of "Glee" to find out what the big, fat, hairy deal was with this show. And after a few viewings, I am convinced that ONLY white chicks, moms and homosexuals–not that there's anything wrong with that–are fans of this show.

Don't get me wrong, the show is brilliantly cast and touches on seemingly every stereotype from high school: there's the couple that always has relationship drama, the caring teacher, the sassy black and/or Asian chick, the air-headed, semi-slutty cheerleader, the uber-talented gay kid,the quirky handicapped kid, the bad boy who makes a perfect addition to the 'glee' club and others I am sure I am missing out on as I only forced myself to watch the show a couple of times. (Though I have to say Jane Lynch is truly wonderful in her role as Sue Sylvester).

And believe me, I had to force myself. You see, I am NOT a fan of musicals. (And I highly doubt most single, idiot dudes are). Call me a music snob, and you'd be absolutely correct, but I prefer bands and live concerts over a group of bubbly teens bursting into song for no apparent reason other than the fact that said song somehow fits into the current plot line. I'm trying to remove the word "hate" from my vocabulary...but it's safe to say I hate musicals. I know this is utter sacrilege in the white chick world, and I am sorry, but it's just who I am. In fact, I'd rather be waterboarded and hooked up to a car battery than voluntarily listen to "You're the One that I Want" (or any song from "Grease" for that matter, but especially THAT one).

(And as a side note I also severely dislike "American Idol," any show that includes the words "Dance" and/or "Talent" and every show that follows the "Gerund...with the Stars" formula. And don't get me started on the "Glee"-meets-"American Idol"-spin-off show "The Sing Off"...ugh).

I try not to be as dumb as I look or act, and will not allow my own cursed music snobbery get in the way of me realizing that "Glee" is HUGE! The show has cultivated a hungry cult following of "Gleeks" and gets great ratings. This year the show received 19 Emmy Award nominations (it won 4) and "Glee" has won everything from Golden Glodes to Screen Writing Guild Awards to Satellite Awards.

But what is absurdly amazing to me is the overwhelming success that the music from the show is getting. Songs performed by the cast of "Glee" are available for download on iTunes as singles and as a handful of albums. According to Wikipedia, in 2009 the cast of "Glee" had an astounding 25 singles on Billboard's "Hot 100," the most of any artist since THE BEATLES.

Since the show began, "Glee" has placed a total of 95 singles on Billboard's "Hot 100," the most of any artist since ELVIS PRESLEY! The cast's performance of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" has been certified gold after achieving over 500,000 downloads! (Seriously, how perfect is it that one of white chicks' all time favorite songs was covered on one of their new found favorite TV shows?!? PERF!).

The show has covered songs by a slew of artists including: Madonna, Britney Spears, Billy Joel, REO Speedwagon, Aretha Franklin, the Rolling Stones and The Beatles (and literally TONS more) and songs from other musicals like "Grease," "Chicago," Les Miserables," and even "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." And there's also the special guest stars of "Glee"–Neil Patrick Harris (white chicks LOVE this dude), Kristin Chenoweth (white chicks LOVE this gal), Carol Burnett and Gwyneth Paltrow are but a few of the celebrities who have appeared on "Glee." The cast has done sold out concert tours and even appeared at The White House.

Now, I try to be an open-minded single, idiot dude. And I tried to give "Glee" a shot. I honestly did. But since a large majority of the songs on the show are covers of current pop songs (go ahead and throw most songs on the Top 40 to the list of acceptible forms of torture for me) done in a show-choir fashion, I have to say I'm not a fan. How in the world could I be?

AND, considering that one episode I saw contained a performance of the unmentionally horrible Train song "Hey, Soul Sister" ( there anything we can do to put an end to this song and band already?) I am sure you can understand, dear reader, that the odds are unfairly stacked against me. I'm just a single, idiot dude who is a self-proclaimed music snob. I'm not a white chick, a mom or a homosexual–not that there's anything wrong with that–so I am clearly not "Glee's" target audience. And this fact was later reaffirmed in the same episode with a rousing rendition of "I've Had the Time of My Life" which is THE song from "Dirty Dancing"–another white chick all time favorite. (I do know better than to ever disparage "Dirty Dancing").

I've come to the conclusion that I hold "Glee" much in the same regard as I do figure skating (which is a "sport" also predominantly enjoyed by white chicks, moms and homosexuals–not that there's anything wrong with that). I am fully and admittedly aware that its participants are extremely disciplined, talented and gifted AND are much more successful in their chosen fields than I will likely ever be in mine. And I can live with that fact. BUT watching those talents on display will never, EVER make appreciate them more than I already do not.

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  1. False!

    I can't stand Glee or the super annoying people who call themselves Gleeks. I'll take The Bachelor but Glee is a no go.

    Also, LOVE the Seinfeld reference!

  2. I appreciate all the research you put into your topics, Mark.

  3. mark - you need a blog "what white dudes like/hate/need"

  4. Season 1, the first half was enjoyable. I haven't bothered to look at the rest. You can't take a 5 month hiatus and expect me to come back with Rachel like enthusiasm. Pass.

  5. I am a white chick AND a mom, so I am a sucker for Glee. L.O.V.E. it. Loved the post, you are hysterical!

  6. All the Glee haters=DISLIKE!!! Mark, this was a fantastic post, as usual. Thanks!

  7. Glee is the AWESOMEST show in the history of tv, how do u ppl not like it!?!?!?!