Thursday, September 2, 2010

Unattractive, Beige Mom-Bras


I've always thought being able to witness a white chick in her underwear is just like living near the beach: if you're lucky enough to be close to it, you're lucky enough. So far be it from WWCC to ever cast dispersions on white chick undergarments. But I am sure I speak for single idiot men all across the country when I say that a great majority of our free time and brain power is spent thinking about what cute white chicks look like wearing little more than their unmentionables.

In these idyllic daydreams, the cute white chick in question is undoubtedly sporting some ridiculously sexy matching bra and panty set from Victoria's Secret (or Fredericks of Hollywood if said daydreams are less than savory). Unfortunately for heterosexual men everywhere, there are times when reality and fantasy are on opposite sides of the underwear universe. And it is because white chicks cherish Unattractive Beige Mom-Bras.

WWCC's mention of all white chicks owning and wearing items like Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans, Summer Scarves, and Flip-Flops Regardless of Climate made use of hyperbole for comedic effect. But seriously, EVERY white chick owns at least one Unattractive, Beige Mom-Bra (UBMB). (And yes, the correct term for this bra's woefully drab color is "nude," but WWCC will always err on the side of creative license versus truth). There may be no other article in a white chick's closet where function trumps form like the UBMB.

("Time-of-the-Month Granny Underpants" undoubtedly take the function over form grand prize but we needn't discuss such atrocities).

Unattractive, Beige Mom-Bras serve a much more profound purpose than their utilitarian task of keeping "the girls" in place. Ask any white chick with a modicum of self respect, and they'll likely say they aren't very big fans of having their bra show through clothes. It's just not cute. (As a general rule, the only time of the year white chicks will voluntarily look tacky, often dressing like total sluts, is Halloween. But that one particular day is a free pass to do so and an entirely different topic of discussion best reserved for a later time). The saving grace of the UBMB, is it's ability to simultaneously offer support and invisibility. Sort of like the perfect gentleman.

It's a human truth idiot single dudes are destined to discover; there are just certain articles of clothing or outfits white chicks wear that don't lend themselves to sexy bras for various reasons. And I'll never be smart enough to understand them all. But after discussing the unattractive truths of the Unattractive, Beige Mom-Bra, WWCC must offer a profound and sincere apology to our male readers. Gentleman, it's perfectly natural and expected of us to believe that every cute white chick we see on a daily basis is dressed like a Victoria's Secret lingerie model underneath her outfit. Just remember, WWCC's purpose is to please, not pulverize unrealistic fantasy.

And while we're on the subject of unrealistic fantasies, gentlemen, let us never forget that cute white chicks ALWAYS smell fantastic and they never, EVER go number two.

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4 comments:

  1. Beige. seamless bras are for wearing under white t-shirts. Any other color or texture or embellishment will show through.

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