Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte

There may be no other season as widely celebrated, favored or cherished by white chicks than fall. WWCC has previously discussed the glorious possibilities for white chicks to indulge in over-dressing for college football games during autumn, but that's just the tip of the iceberg-sized white chick wonder this season entails.

As the temperatures begin to dip and the winds become blustery, scarves gain actual credibility as a necessary fashionable accoutrement (not that something like appropriate weather has ever stopped a white chick from wearing a scarf whenever she wants to look fab). On certain days white chicks can still get away with wearing their coveted flip-flops or peep-toe pumps, though fall is really all about breaking out the bevy of boots white chicks have been foaming at the mouth all summer long to have the opportunity to wear once again. And with winter approaching, it makes perfect sense to go ahead and begin shopping for that oh-so-perfect belted pea coat that will undoubtedly be the crux of a white chick's winter wardrobe and the envied-conversation starter amongst her girlfriends.

And one of the greatest white chick pleasures of fall comes in the form of an overpriced, seasonal blend of coffee, because White Chicks Cherish the Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte.

It's perfectly natural and expected for every human being in the universe to have a favorite Starbucks beverage (I do enjoy a White Chocolate Mocha when I'm in the mood to overspend on coffee), but the Pumpkin Spice Latte is more than just a favorite. It's the official fall beverage of white chicks—they simply cannot get enough of this piping hot, frothy coffee drink.

Call me a single, idiot dude and you'd be correct...but I don't like pumpkin-flavored anything. Not pie, not beer and definitely not coffee (I'm of the world's minority in that I generally want my coffee to be simply coffee-flavored). I sort of look at pumpkin-flavored stuff the way I look at a dessert like carrot cake. Although I somewhat respect and acknowledge its existence and have enjoyed a bite or two along the way, carrots are vegetables. Vegetables and dessert are separate food groups in my opinion and should never, ever mingle.

But I have a much harsher opinion on pumpkin. I simply don't like the way it tastes and pretty much believe a pumpkin and its contents is nothing more than an organic, self-contained unit of vomit and seeds. Pumpkins are meant for carving for Halloween (and arrogantly smashing on front-door steps and mailboxes if your middle- and high school days were anything like mine).

White chicks certainly don't feel this way, however—they love the Pumpkin Spice Latte and cannot get enough of it. The love of pumpkin flavor during the fall season even extends into pumpkin-flavored beers and cupcakes. And on a vegetables-that-are-somewhat-related sidenote, fall is also the time of year when butter nut squash begins to make its way into restaurant specials. And white girls also cherish butter nut squash in everything from soups to raviolis to lasagna.

And not to take away from the sheer deliciousness that is the Pumpkin Spice Latte—that piping hot, frothy $5 cup of pure, unbridled joy. But I'll pose an uneducated hypothesis that white girls simply cherish seasonal flavors. After all, it's romantic for an utterly desirable object to not just be readily available at your convenience, it makes you want it more. There's something alluring and exciting—dare I say sexy—about an object when it's only available for a limited time. It's what makes Girl Scout Cookies so incredibly fucking delicious and why anyone in their right mind has ever eaten the uber-gross McRib from McDonalds. If it's not around all the time, it's just a little more special and, therefore, must be worth trying. Right?

There's something hardwired into us as humans that makes us crave things we cannot easily obtain. And I believe that's part of the white chick-appeal of seasonal flavors, especially the Pumpkin Spice Latte. As wonderful as the Pumpkin Spice Latte may be, when it's not here the beverage is another OMG-wonderful thing white chicks can yearn for...and I've expressed my beliefs before about how white chicks love to yearn.

Seasonal flavors and the Pumpkin Spice Latte do indeed create a sense of yearning in white chicks. It takes patience and devotion to cherish something non-permanent and somewhat elusive, but when they are present—for that brief, fleeting moment in time—everything is perfect. And then they're gone...leaving only fantastic memories and a longing desire for the next encounter.

Sure, this closing is random, but isn't that what "The Time Traveller's Wife" is all about?

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  1. i lol'd at the mcrib comment...

  2. Time traveler's wife is wicked creepy...don't do it. I effing love a soy PSL (for those in the know)...and I'm pretty sure when I ordered my first PSL of the season, I was shamefully excited and might have shared with you...right on,Mark. You nailed it.

  3. mmm, now i need to go get a "psl" (we love it so much we have shorted it to it's initials).

    and my husband also likes coffee-flavored coffee

  4. I HATE pumpkin-flavored anything also. I LOVE my coffee being coffee flavored. I am also a white chick. Where do I fit in now!?!

  5. I'm so waiting for the Gingerbread Latte to come back!

  6. It's like you're in my head, I say as I enjoy my butternut squash soup and imagine my clutch outfit for the evening which may or may not include a scarf (but mostly it may).

    Can I be a WCOTW????

  7. Love this whole bit about the Pumpkin spice latte! For the last two weeks all my White Chick Facebook friends have done nothing but post about going to Starbucks and getting these so I laughed so hard at this. In fact, I think all your posts are DEAD ON and absolutely hilarious. I'm totally hooked. The dressing up for football games completely reeled me in...I've been there done that. I'm a total white chick LOL!

  8. Definitely a white chick, but I hate anything and everything pumpkin. My yearlong Starbucks craving is Caramel Apple Spice. It's like a melted apple pie. Mmm!

  9. Wasnt there some study that shows that Pumpkin has repeatedly been rated as the number one smell that turns men on.... hmmmmmmm, coincidence?

  10. I do notice a mass posting of Facebook statuses the day that coffee is finally available... I'm one that cherishes that time of year, especially since other signs of fall in Florida are few and far between! Next up: Peppermint Mochas