Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Nonthreatening Singer-Songwriters

White chicks cherish cute, laid-back white guys that play acoustic guitar and sing songs which demonstrate their ability, effort and willingness to express their emotions. But can you blame them? Doesn't everyone want their body to be thought of as a wonderland by an attractive member of the opposite sex?

And at the risk of getting much too deep on a blog meant solely to amuse, isn't that what all white girls want in a man?

If the ability of a cute guy to willfully express emotion is a delicious cupcake (and white chicks already supremely cherish cupcakes) then a white guy who can be mysterious, hot and nonthreatening all at once while playing guitar and singing a song whose lyrics are "just so true" is the proverbial chocolate ganache icing on top. With sprinkles. And don't forget that a cute, non-threatening singer-songwriter can, like, totally change the way a white chick feels about tattoos.

And much like a cupcake, this entry will be short and sweet.

The following is a working list I've compiled of nonthreatening singer-songwriters that white chicks cherish. (Author's note: I happen to really like a few of these musicians, while I believe others to be complete and total douches).

John Mayer

Jack Johnson

Dave Matthews

Jason Mraz

the Avett Brothers (the only thing better than a non-threatening singer-songwriter is his bearded sibling)

Ben Harper

M Ward

David Gray

Iron and Wine

Mason Jennings

Damien Rice

Matt Nathanson

Howie Day

Bon Iver

Ryan Adams

Josh Ritter

Conor Oberst

Ray LaMontagne

Badly Drawn Boy

James Blunt (mega-douche)

O.A.R. (I realize this is a band, but I'm 100% positive only white chicks like them)

Did your favorite singer-songwriter make the list?

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  1. James Blunt? Eew! No, the top requirement is they have to be HOT and then sing. You need to add David Cook and Kris Allen

  2. John Hiatt should be added to this. Granted the only song I know is "Have A Little Faith In Me" but he sold me.